NEW MOONS
The Old Moons wake up in their icy Dickensian flat. Fool and Backstreet are in bed together. Hmmm. Ethel 2.0 whines about the cold. Fool is all ludicrously optimistic etc but Backstreet is all "dude, we're fucked!". Well, you will be with that kind of attitude, young man! Backstreet settles Ethel in the caff while Fool tries to get a job so he can afford to fix the electrics. After a bit Rainman offers to let Ethel 2.0 spend the day at his house and Fool gets a job minding the stall for Teen while she goes shopping.

The two new "sexy" Moon cousins arrive. One of them is apparently Lee from the Office and the other one is new (and a noticably worse actor). Lee has got steely blue eyes and the other one has got curly dark hair and looks a bit latin or something. Surprisingly he is the fiery impetuous one. They re not bad, I suppose. It turns out they are from Manchester. (Is it actually possible for people to come to Walford from Manchester?? I sense a great disturbance in the Force). Hopefully I will be able to come up with a reason to call one of them Button Moon! Fiery Moon has stolen a bag containing drugs and fake money from some bad men and they had to go on the lam. They break into the Vic looking for Fool and then wander round the square, argue with O-Den (Fiery nicked his wallet in the Vic) and are generally annoying. Inexplicably, Fiery breaks into Poline's (?) house to hide the Bag of More-Crime-Storylines.

A-Garry can't cope in the Arches without his little friend Minty. He tells Bealemeister to sort it out, bitch. PantoJane isn't answering her phone. Chez Minty, Ian apolgises. Minty says he has to look after Sham and that Bealemeister should cut him some slack. No sign of Sham, but I like to imagine she is locked in her room painting her entire face with lipstick and freaking out like Diane Ladd in "Wild at Heart".

Fool starts out shit on the stall but then presses the button on his back that turns his "Annoying Factor" up to 11 and sings and degrades himself to sell nasty clothes. Byrite mocks him. He runs into Lee and is all "Grrr, what are you doing here. It was your idiot brother that got me sent to prison". Is it some Law of Physics that every Moon male comes in a set with a more stupid annoying one?

DI Baldster asks Kyert to come back top the police and use her amazing manicure skillz TO FIGHT CRIME!!! Kyert gazes dreamily into space and imagines herself singing "All that Jazz" whilst wearing black fishnet stockings.

I don't really know what's going one with those stupid Wattseses. O-Den is being arsey with LadyDen about missing Shazza and Vuh-vuh-vickney. Teen talks to O-Den about the faux baby drama shenanigans. She keeps saying that Denman loves her whatever. O-Den arranges for a family drink in the vic and outs Teens "pregnancy" by saying she shouldn't drink in her condition. Everyoen is all "a who's in the what now?" and Teen says that she is with Denman's child. Denman looks a bit bemused. L:ater Teen takes O-Den to one side and tells him off for manipulating her. He points out that he heard Denman say he only loves Teen for her ovearies or something. Oh, I don't know.

Ethel 2.0 has some kind of fit so all the Moons rush round to see her - it's just the flu. Zzzz. She is pleased to see the new Moons. They take her home and Lee fixes the electrics (or, given the general levels of cretin-tude running through this family, puts 50p in the metre). Fool says they can stay for one night and Lee makes a smug face.