SPUD ON THE RUN
Ooh, there's a new car (apart from BB's Beemer) on the square and the natives are suspicious. Byrite's spidey sense is tingling, but dimbo Sham thinks it's something to do with Fill. Byrite doesn't tell Sham that he's off to the quarry with Quentin again, and Sham doesn't tell him she's selling the Vic. Well, not yet. First she has to go and check on Bent Marcus to make sure he's not spending the Arches' profits on crack whores and champagne. Marcus says that Fill has to leave the country (you mean he hasn't already? What kind of gangsta is he?), but he doesn't want Sham to see him because he's changed horribly since being on the run. Like, how could you get any uglier...maybe he's had a Face Off-style exchange operation with Nicolas Cage (think about it: you never see them in a room together), or he's having to dress up as a Catholic priest and live in a convent, teaching the nuns to sing. Sham says she wants to see Fill and hand the money over herself to prove that she's a proper Mitchell and that she's run the businesses into the ground like he asked.

Meanwhile Ian has bought cute green and yellow uniforms for Minty and Garry, and expects them to start leaping about like Kwik Fit Fittaz. Minty and Garry fool him into thinking they're hard at work with some interesting industrial rhythmns reminiscent of early Stockhausen. Minty is cross and tells Sham that she's a disgrace to the Mitchell empire. Sham's little lips start quivering, but then she gets a Babs on and bars him from her house.

O-Den's got a lovely diamonique ring for Shazza, but then Sham appears and offers him the Vic. Den thinks: ahaaaa! Sham gets the money: Shazz is going to get her pub back.

Byrite gets suspicious and doesn't turn up at the big meet, which is a TRAP.

After the police catch all the nasty drug dealers (except Byrite), an even gayer looking gangster than Byrite is waiting for him back at the bookies. With a bad bleach job and a poloneck, looking camper than John Osborne in Get Carter, gangsta says that the word on the street is that Byrite is a GRASS.

Vickney says she's really looking forward to a proper family Christmas with all the family, and everybody's going to think that her presents are ace. Denman mutters: "Nooo, not another deconstructed sweatshirt! We have to leave. Now." Shazz doesn't want to. Denman goes to Byrite to borrow some money for their new life together. Quentin hisses at Denman on the way out of the office, and Denman pouts prettily, but he gets the money, presumably for old times' sake.

Bad Brutha and TriniDad have a big scene that I didn't get much of because I had a poorly baby to sort out. I think the upshot is that BB is getting nervous. Everybody, including PC Everton and Detective Zoe Wanamaker, tells him to shut up and get a shower. Byrite runs into BB at the Vic and accuses him of grassing up. BB: nervous.