BAD BROTHER BEYOND
Gosh, lots going on tonight. Bad Brother is still freaking out (and, I have to say, overacting a tad) in the bogs of the Vic. He waits until Byrite has gone and runs home to pack and get the hell out of Walford. Unfortunately Trinidad decides to take that moment to stage an intervention and has hidden his car keys. Trinidad tells him to straighten up or get out. BB freaks out some more. There is a funny bit where Trinidad slaps him and he totally bugs out and starts writhing around. Heh. In the end TD stomps off and leaves BB to make his decision. BB packs and is about to leave but - gasp! Not Carter is waiting for him outside. BB tries to shut him out but Not Carter says he will patiently wait for BB to come out and be executed. What???

DS Cheffy Chef and New Lady Cop quiz Byrite about the stupid drugs quarry thing. Byrite mewls "Myeh myeh! I've got a receipt!" and Cheffy Chef laughs in his face, says the receipt is bollocks and that he will get him in the end. Then Denman comes round and Byrite gives him £10k so he can elope with Shazza. Wow, Denman must have been the best assistant ever. Denman mocks Byrites marraige (which is a bit much considering all the money) and Byrite makes a sour face. Later, Shazza coos that they can go to New Yoik together.

Ian annoys Minty, A-Garry and several million viewers.

Fool prattles on about enjoying xmas at the Vic. This is the equivalent to the scene when a young soldier shows someone a photo of his fiance in a war movie and you instantly know that they are TOAST!

O-Den comes round with the money for Vic. It isn't enough but Sham accepts it anyway. She runs round to Marcus and they arrange to go and see Fill at some random tube station that I don't recognise. All the money is put into a silver carry-on case which Marcus puts in the boot of his snazzy motor. At the station, Sham says she will ride with Fill to Luton airport so Marcus gets the case for her out of his boot. Hmm, it doesn't look a tube station where the Thamslink stops, but I could be wrong. Sham waits around for Fill but he never shows up. She phones Marcus but gets no reply. Ruh roh. She goes back to the office but there is no sign of Marcus. Cut to a scene of him phoning to say "byee", dropping his phone in the gutter and driving off. Sham opens the suitcase and it is full of plain paper - he did a switch. Fuuuuuck.

BB freaks out (still) and sees Not Carter sinisterly playing with Little Orphan Annie and so decides to give in to death so his family will be safe. He tells Trinidad and Yolande that he is moving out and that he will be in touch, prays a bit and then goes to take the Final Ride in the Taxi Cab of Death. If I was him I would have put something heavy in my jacket and smacked No Carter on the head, but no - BB goes meekly to his presumed death. What a load of bollocks. All the best to BB in his future career, I'm sure he'll do fine.

Marcus meets a mysterious stranger. Gasp! It is O-Den! O-Den hands over the mystery treasue map (which is apparently photos of Marcus cavorting with underage dolphins or something) and says that he is free to go now that his task is complete. Marcus snits off to retire in the bahamas or something. Well, I didn't see that coming. O-Den and LadyDen gloat in their car and LadyDen gives O-Den his xmas pressie - a sign saying he is licensee of the vic. Dun Dun Dunhhh!

Sham goes home to Byrite and is all snivelling and weeping. She explains what happened and Byrite says "You stupid Mitchell. I could have helped you but you lied to me." Sham says "oh well, we have each other. We can have babies etc." Byrite asks her to step outside, says she is stupid and that he never loved her. He only married her for her money and now she hasn't got any money she is dumped. Also he is keeping the house. He pulls off her wedding ring and locks her out. Wow, harsh. That is the first time that Byrite has actually been convincingly evil. Sham starts screaming and pounding at the door. Byrite turns on the radio and ignores her. Not shown: Quentin getting a booty call he will never forget.