THERE'S A BAD MOON RISING
sorry it's late
Poor PantoJane is exhausted, but she's glad that the Bealemeister is keeping his grubby little hands to himself. Kyert offers to spend some time with CJDave while PJane beats herself up some more. Not surprised, love: at least Juhneen got paid for her trouble. Meanwhile, down at Beale's Bodgers, Minty is moaning about Sham's post-traumatic stress and the way she's working through his grubby old sweatshirt collection. AGarry tells him to order Sham down to the pub and have a good time or she has to sleep with him.

Anyway, CJDave karks it, and just as he does, PJane vows to enjoy herself and be happy, just for him. Can't he come back Truly Madly Deeply style and clutter up her living room with his dead friends until she promises never to see Beale and his Midwich brats ever again?

LadyDen is fed up of living in the shadow of Shazza and sets about acting like Angie with the punters. O-Den: not happy. She decides to go and drum up some support for the pub's New Year's Eve party, but is rudely rebuffed by the combined saintliness of Dot and Yolande. But they turn up for the party anyway because the producer told them they had to.

The tedious Moonlet (oh, I dunno...The Asteroid Brothers? Io and Ganymede?) Blue Bag of Destiny plot continues. Not even Lee is sure why Idiot Moonlet hid said Blue Bag in the hastily-conceived Blast From The Past cupboard at Poline's, but they have to get it back before Fool finds out. Idiot Moonlet gets Backstreet drunk and persuades him to break into Poline's while she's out. Maybe Idiot's happy that he's found somebody even stupider than him, but I can't think of any other reason why the World's Worst Actor would make a decent burglar. Dot and TriniDad (back from a secret rendezvous in the plot cupboard, perhaps?) raise the alarm and Backstreet is caught, but only after he has discovered the enormous bag of white powder and scads of used fivers in the bag. Idiot gets away with the bag and leaves Backstreet to the police. Backstreet gets the Nigel/Andy Memorial Special Needs Cell, and Poline mutters about MMartin's choice of friends. A nation goes: "wha??", then shrugs and sighs.

Fool spends most of the ep trying not to cry and asking the Moonlets when they're going to leave. Lee from the Office flirts with LadyDen until O-Den chucks him out. Anyway, the Moonlets are going to stick around for a while. Oooh, maybe we'll get visits from Martin Freeman and the Divine Lucy Davis...

Oh yes, Teen still isn't happy about this fake baby idea, considering she hasn't done it with Denman in weeks. O-Den packs her off to seduce Denman, but Denman comes up with a raft of feeble excuses ("ummm...I'm busy with these bottles...oh no, it'll hurt the baby...I can feel a migraine coming on..."). Teen: sad and worried. I can see where this is leading and I really don't want to look.

Minty tries to cheer up Sham with his lovely smile. Sham strops about and tells him that he's pathetic. This prompts a "You're a Mitchell...etc" speech that galvanises Sham into putting some lippy and hauling her glammed-up arse down the pub. But who should come along, but Byrite, who is finally shaping up into a truly evil piece of work at last. Still about as threatening as a feather duster with mange, but he gets some lovely nasty lines. Sham runs off and cries. Minty: cross. She doesn't deserve him, you know. Why can't he run off with Drippy instead?