TWO UNWISE DENS
by our Special Festive Guest Blogger: FilmFan

The Bealemeister wakes up naked in PantoJane’s arms, with a shit-eating grin on his face. Not the first thing you want to see after a two day Christmas blow-out, really. Fool and Backstreet have spent the night in the Bealemeister’s living room. The Midwich Twins persuade Fool to do some impromptu karaoke, but thankfully he is put off by the sight of PantoJane emerging from the Bealemeister Boudoir. The Bealemeister wants some more Hot Lovin’ but PJ feels guilty and runs off to be with CJDave for a bit.

Teen’s not too comfortable with lying about the Baby Of Deception, which is a surprise, given that the other night she was all, "But Shazza, HIS CHILD IS INSIDE ME!" Denman agrees with her that they shouldn’t tell anyone else just yet and then rushes off to tell Dot. Dot tells him to THINK OF THE CHILD. Meanwhile O-Den urges Teen to keep schtum or she’ll lose Denman. Teen: conflicted.

Meanwhile, back in the Vic, it’s business as usual for O-Den. LadyDen looks fabulous behind the bar - it’s a shame O-Den has to leave, really. Jim and Dolescum Keef waste no time in ensuring that their various freeloading arrangements are still valid under the new management. Poline comes in and discovers that Vickney has gone without saying goodbye. Poor Poline. Shazza phones and asks O-Den to sell the club. O-Den: sad. He immediately takes it out on the regulars, telling them to put up or shut up but LadyDen’s all, "Get a grip, loser" and he offers everyone a free drink instead.

Fool promises Ethel and Backstreet that he’ll find them somewhere else to live by the end of the day. PantoJane uses her Panto Skillz and goes into Fairy Godmother mode. She badgers the Bealemeister and they trick the Slum Landlord into coming round to the Chip Shop flat. Fool talks his way into the flat (some rubbish about dogs, which is a bit stupid) and the Bealemeister ponies up the deposit. Judging by the Bealemeister’s recent generous streak, it would appear that all Scrooge really needed was to get laid. Later, PantoJane persuades Dot, Jim, the Millers etc to decorate and tidy Fool’s Plaice(sic). As they’re celebrating, PJ receives a call from the hospice to say that CJDave’s got pneumonia. PJ: guilty. Also, Fool corners Drippy under the mistletoe and totally snogs her, seconds before Billy comes in. Drippy: confused...and yet strangely aroused.