SUSPICIOUS TEEN
Sorry folks. Out on the razz on Friday night, and then out again on Sunday. So here's the shoddy crib from the official site.

Little Mo is shocked and appalled by Billy's admission that he cannot accept CBF as his own. Billy's all "yesbutnobut...", and Fool beats a hasty retreat, I think. There are other plots to move on after all.

JoJo calls Denman from Shazza's phone in her latest complicated plan to get back at Teen for being taller her or whatever. The girl is wasted in Walford: she ought to be running an army unit in Basra or something. Teen flies into a rage when she sees "Shazzahubbahubba" on Denman's mobile, and stomps down to the club, where Shazz and Denman are busy freakin' on the office floor.

Meanwhile, the Midwich Twins are not impressed with their father's transformation into Stage Parent from Hell because he hasn't even iced the birthday cake. They're about to unleash their magic staring powers when PantoJane appears in a puff of smoke, and whisks them all off to go bowling - leaving Pat and Rainman in charge of Baby Bobby. Rainman apologises for Big Mo's weird crypto jealous freakout, but Pat says they should act up and watch her suffer some more...oooohhh evil Goddess Pat!

Back at Drippy Central, Billy confesses that he can't get the idea that Freddie's cute babyness doesn't hide the fact that he is in fact the Demon Seed of Evil Rapist Graham. Drippy says: "I know, let's change his name to Mitchell!" Oh yes, that'll really help: instead of being Evil Demon Rapist Child, he'd be Baby Spud-u-dislike. Billy looks dubious, but Drippy insists that the sun will come out tomorrow, and all will be well and Billy will love CBF.

Big Mo meets Teen down at the club, and their jealous fits combine to kind of neutralise each other, and Denman and Shazza escape to shag another day. Teen apologises to Denman when he returns home (hope he showered first), and Denman is "racked with guilt", according to the BBC site.

Oh, and Ian invites PantoJane to spend Christmas with him and the demon spawn.