GO GO JOJO!
Drippy's got a Baby Bjorn! She's wearing it when she discovers that Eeevil Graham has been banged up for a long long time. Billy wants to celebrate, but Drippy's not keen on leaving CBF for the night. But then she scuttles off to do something or other, and leaves CBF with Billy. There's more neurotic parent nonsense when Billy gets Doktor Boden-Shirt to check CBF's heartbeat or something, and Drippy refuses utterly to leave the baby. Billy goes out to get drunk and whitter about Drippy being a great mother in the Vic; Drippy whitters on to Kyert about what a great father Billy is. Billy comes home. They make up and agree that Billy is CBF's real father. Next.

Denman and Shazz are at it like rabbits in the nightclub office.

Evil Girl Detective JoJo goes around asking random people stupidly obvious questions about the Wattses. Nobody says anything until Vickney mishears JoJo and starts going on about how crypto-incest is Evil and Wrong. JoJo goes: "Ewww! You're kidding..". Vickney squeals: "Betraaaayyyed!" and runs off.

The yawn level rises a little more when we see the Byrites back from their honeymoon. Sham isn't even as orange as Shazza. Byrite leaves her with the unpacking so that he can run into the arms of Quentin Tarantino, who has come up with a new "business opportunity" - a shop specialising in surf guitar and minor 70s soul classics? Bad Brutha looks troubled at the thought of being rogered by Ving Rhames. Byrite moans about Sham's blondeness. Sham twitters about the square, saying: "I'm Mrs Byrite now. I'm a Mitchell no more. And to prove it, we're having broccoli instead of sprouts this Christmas". Dodgy Marcus finally tracks her down and tells her that Fill is in Big Trouble and needs lots of money to buy his way out of his ITV contract, or Cat Deeley's gonna use his ears as ashtrays, or whatever.

Denman and Shazza: still at it like rabbits. O-Den nearly surprises them, but they spring apart when they hear him at the door. Teen appears to have forgotten to put on her shirt again.

Keef makes Demi learn the battle speech from Henry V. For a nativity play audition. Oh well, at least it wasn't Lady Macbeth's, I suppose. Girl Midwich Twin overacts brilliantly, but Gay Pike gives Demi the Virgin Mary part - presumably because he gets a free Baby Jesus thrown in too. Bealemeister: cross because his offspring will be cast as evil shepherds. I was a shepherd: it's a fine part and integral to the whole production, so stop moaning and be thankful that they're not bloody sheep or Noises Off.