IT'S A FAMILY AFFAIR (part cccxxxvi)

This is a bit crap because I am (a) sick and (b) at work.

Keef holds baby Semi and talks bollocks to it for hours. The baby
thinks "just you wait until I have motor skills and can punch you in
the face repeatedly until you shut up". Demi is sad (again) that
no-one is letting her do any parenting. Keef is inspired by the baby
to suggest using "infant lack of guile" as the new Real Walford
"tactics". Well, they already have the lack of motor skills down. They
go off to play a match (which presumably means you will get Sarah's
Alan Hanshen style commentary on it tomorrow) and Billy, Mo and Freddy
go too.

Non-comedy subplot - Capitalist Running Dog Backstreet arranges
insanely complicated interviews for the post of chippy assistant. He
gives the job to an old tramp whom he has persuaded to fry fish in
exchange for greasy scraps. Judging from the number of lines he gets,
however, I think the job will ultimately go to a young black guy who
is around in the episode.

Jane comes to work for a few hours and then sets off to visit CJDave.
Dave thrashes around and uses morse code to blink out the message "can
I have an equity card yet?" She finds out from the nurse that Ian
spent a while chatting to Dave the day before and goes to thank him.
They chat and she starts crying and asks for a hug so she can sob in
the Bealmeisters non-manly arms. They kiss but even Ian isn't sleazy
enough to shag a woman who is demented (and also, presumably, struck
blind) with exhaustion and grief. He says they shouldn't do anything
and that they should wait until Dave karks it (OK, I made up the
second bitâ?¦)

In other non-news, Teen is still being annoying and whiny. The
following scene is repeated about 15 times throughout the episode but
I will only transcribe it once:

Teen: I'm sorry for being annoying earlier on
Denman: That's OK, let's just move on and forget about it
Teen: But how can I move on when you are still sniffing round that hag
sister of yours! Whine! Cling! Need!
Denman: I'm not listening to this any more (leaves)
Teen: Dennnisssssssssss!!!!!

Jojo is still unsuccessfully chasing after Denman and applies for a
job at the club. She still can't understand why Teen's milkshake
brings all the boys to the yard. O-Den helps Teen assemble flat pack
furniture and there is a VAT inspection at the club which gives Denman
and Shazza an excuse to be trapped in a room together. After the HMCE
bloke has gone they have another boring conversation about whether or
not they fancy each other. Zzzz. I am getting bored of this plot.
Denman makes as if to leave but Shaaza won't step aside until he
admits that he doesn't fancy her. Denman growls "get out of my way,
woman" and roughly grabs her and thrusts her one side. They gaze at
each other tempestuously and then of course they kiss. Zzzz.