A LONG DOT'S JOURNEY INTO NIGHT
Dot's getting ready for her op, and doing lots of putting-off type things like making Jim enough food to feed the five thousand, ironing his shirts a million times, and writing little "I won't be here when you open this..."-type cards. Jim persuades Moomin to come over and say goodbye. Moomin starts muttering about Poline, but Dot gets all:"Nooo! Thou shalt honour and love and obey thy mother-in-law in all things, even if she is an evil old witch, which she isn't...oh no." Poline is being particularly evil in the launderette at that very second, muttering to her new familiar (called Betty - what kind of name is that for a dog?). Betty rolls around in the laundry, looking cute.

LadyDen also gets a lecture as she squirts enough hairspray around Dot's head to create her own little hole in the ozone layer. Dot tells LadyDen to look after young Denman - no, not that way. There's enough crypto-incest going on as it is, thank you.

Ian decides that PantoJane is another jezebel like all the other jezebels in the world because she LOOKS AT MEN and TALKS TO THEM. The final act of harlotry for Ian is when she calls Denman "gorgeous" - merely articulating the thoughts of the nation's women. Ian strops off to the pub and moans at Fool. Fool tells him he's a prat, and Ian goes back to make up with PJane, who kisses him. And it wasn't for a bet either.

There's a non-comedy plot involving the Ferreiraz and Martina's pet snake (not one-eyed and called "Trouser", unfortunately). Next.

Rainman announces to Billy that Little Mo has given birth to a Mini Mo. Billy looks stricken, then smiles wanly.

Sham clutches her well-thumbed copy of Bridezilla Monthly magazine and witters on about flowers to Byrite, who pretends not to be interested. Sham decides that she needs a bridesmaid to share all the fun of a sawn-off shotgun wedding with, and calls Teen. Teen says "Bugger off, Mrs No-Mates". Sham works through her entire address book and finally works out that she indeed has absolutely no mates whatsoever. Shazz pops by to gloat, then PJane steps in to offer sympathy. Meanwhile, Byrite blackmails Goddess Pat into being Sham's bridesmaid on the grounds that she's a woman and wears dresses and stuff. Pat tries to get out of it by saying "I'm thinking gold lamé and spangled platforms...", while Byrite nods approvingly. Sham goes: "Nooo! PantoJane is my bridesmaid!" PantoJane looks shocked. Time for CJDave to have a relapse, methinks.

Dot tells Denman that he's destined for great things, not just shagging his sister and being a small-time thuglet, so he should get his finger out and do her proud. Then it's off to Poline, still lurking in the launderette and muttering. Poline is vile to Dot until Dot says: "I've got caancer". Then she's very sad. Even Betty looks sad.