KAT-ERNITY LEAVE
Some workmen digging up the road cut through a cable and cause a Square-wide power cut. Perhaps this is symbolic of something but who knows what? Minty is hiding in the arches pit when it happens and assumes that Byrite's minionators have cut the power like in Aliens. Get a grip, Minty. He looks for jobs as a long distance lorry driver. You can't leave, Minty! The lady viewers will be sad!

Ian is cross because his catering empire is useless without electricity. Panto-Jane has an idea and sets up a barbecue so the hungry denizens of Walford can be fed burgers made out of ground-up cow bollocks. Deliceuse! Ian continues to attempt to flirt with Jane but she rebuffs him in a jokey thigh-slapping stylee.

The Truant Twinz bunk off again and spend the day trying to steal stuff and hiding from Rosie Klebb. A school official comes round and explains to Rosie that she could be sent to prison if the Twinz don't attend school. Rosie finds all the school letters in Boy Twin's bag and is furious. She says she will personally drop them off and collect them from school and what's more, they can't watch telly for a week. Demi sucks up to Dole Scum Keef and cries and says the other girls bully her for being a slagggg who got knocked up. Keef says he will try and square things with Rosie and the Twinz make high five signs, the hateful brats.

GlennCloser appears and traps MMartin before he can hide in the caff bogs. She demonstrates her unfeasibly wide smile - it looks like she has got a flip top head, people, and browbeats MMartin into meeting her in the club tomorrow. MMartin - you are as weak as a kitten and dumber than a bag of hammers. Just tell her to fuck off!

Fool spots Slutty chatting to the horny handed electricity workers and instantly assumes she wants filthy 4-way action with them. He admits that he is being really stupid and is damaging their relationship, but he just can't help it, dammit. Slutty's face is very shiny and air-brushed looking, btw. She says that all the jealousy is tearing them apart and that she is going to make him appreciate her by going away and having her non-existent baby. She leaves in a cab and Fool is sad. Come back soon, Slutty!

The fucking Ferreiraz are sick of living together. The flat upstairs suddenly becomes available (what are the chances, etc... oh, I don't even care any more...) so they go and view it and decide to move in and do extra taxi work to pay for it. DJ Ross is waiting for a club promoter to call him back but he doesn't get the gig. He moans at Scalliq for being a shit manager and wonders what happened to their non-gay non-romance. Scalliq says he is happy being a cabby now and that all the DJ stuff was crazy talk. DJ Ross goes to the Vic and starts hitting the bottle. Martina comes to find him and tells him it is sensible to have a back up source of income while he is trying to make it as the Talvin Singh for the new millennium and also that he needs a thick skin to handle rejection like she has got. Martina, you have got a thick leathery skin from spending too long in a tanning booth but never mind. DJ Ross agrees and sets off to work but then a copper sees him coming out of the pub and acting like a spazz and busts him for drink-driving. Doh!

Billy finds out that a) Minty is thinking of joining the French Foreign Legion and b) that he lurves Sham and they end up having a fight where they accuse each other of being pathetic losers and worms who are not worthy of grovelling at the feet of the MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER MITCHELLS!!!! They have just resorted to fisticuffs when that Byrite minion who looks like Quentin Tarantino comes in and mocks them/gloats about Minty's impending punishment. United in their loathing for Byrite and Quarantino, Minty and Billy decide to be friends and to be there for Sham when it all goes pearshaped and she needs them to kick ass etc. Go go go Team Loser!!!