DOG DAY AFTERNOON
Sorry this is late, dear readers. I am holiday this week and have spent the last 4 days gallivanting around doing cool things. Anyway - Monday is a BBC website crib (my stupid VCR is broken) but I did see Tuesday's (unfortunately)

Monday's basically carries on the Dot/O-Den extravaganza from last thursday.

Jim asks what is wrong with Dot and thinks she is just aggravated by O-Den being a heathen or something. He starts going on about how she she should stop stressing about other people and just look after herself so Dot interrupts him to say she has got cancer. Jim is sad. Dot tries the old, "it's not, you, it's me!" line and says she doesn't want treatment as she doesn't to be a burden / robbed of her dignity blah blah blah martyr martyr martyr. Jim is angry and, if the website photo is to be believed, starts waving his hands in the air like he just doesn't care. Dot runs upstairs to hide/commune with Jesus or whatever. When she reappears Jim says that he loves and needs Dot and Dot admits that she loves Jim too, even though she won't give him access to her booty. Jim takes her outside to gaze "at the stars" (i.e. pollution and orange light from streetlamps) and says that he needs Dot to look after him and keep him on the straight and narrow etc etc. Dot folds like a cheap Mr Byrite suit and chooses life after all.

Meanwhile, O-Den's phone call has summoned LadyDen like a Genie in a Bottle (aka pre-skank Christina Aguilera). LadyDen says she will come back to O-Den if he begs and pleads - oh that's a great plan, LadyDen. O-Den makes a lame attempt to apologise so LadyDen "storms out" and gets back into her cab. He runs after her and they have a lame conversation - he says "we're good together,lets carry on"; she says, "but you're a c***!" She asks him to change but he gets angry, tells her to stay and look after his family and fucks off in the cab. Bye O-Den, I want you to go and sit in the corner and think about all those bad things you did with that webcam.

Tuesday - Shazza is pleased to run into LadyDen at brekkie. LadyDen sadly explains that O-Den has been suspended - oops, I mean "gone away to sort out his head". Vickney and Denman are also pleased to see LadyDen but Vickney is annoyed when she discovers that O-Den has fucked off and starts whining incessantly. Shut up, Vickney, you're next to go, missy. LadyDen says she is leaving too but Shazza emotionally blackmails her into staying. Maybe Denman will have a crack at her to complete the crypto incest circle.

That non-comedy bearded binman finds a cute widdle puppy in a zip up bag in a bin so Saint MY Gus instantly adopts it. Wellard instantly realises how much cuter the puppy is than him and runs off to have a lie down protest. Gus spends the whole day trying to persuade people to adopt the cute puppy. Poline has just been stood up for tea by Martin and adopts the puppy in a moment of weakness. I bet it is a better conversationalist than Martin, anyway.

Scalliq heard Martina shagging someone (ie doing Adull with a strap-on whilst wearing a false mustache) and gossips with the others about who the mystery man could be. No-one thinks it is Adull, because Adull is a gimpy eunuch who makes Gay Pike look like Ron Jeremy. I notice that whenever Martina speaks to Adull she stoops down right in his face, like a nursery school teacher talking to a small child. Anyway, in the end she puts an end to the speculation by snogging Adull right in front of them. The Ferrieras are shocked etc. Zzzz.

Sham is sick of everyone asking her when she is marrying old fuckface, oops I mean Byrite. She still asks Minty to be her Usher though. Does that mean he has to release loads of shit R'n'B singles that are on freeview MTV like 300 times a day? In the end Byrite says they are getting married in two weeks time as a surprise. Why, could we be having another unfeasibly brisk wedding. You surprise me, EE writers!

Dot has dyed her hair black. What could that possibly mean? she finds Jim making a list of things to do (1. Take Dot to hospital 2. Hang around anxiously) but says they can worry about that later. Jim says, "au contraire, I phoned the doctor and you're going under the knife tomorrow!" Dot says that no-one else must know, so Jim has to lie to Moomin, Poline and Trini-Dad to explain Dot's absence. He tells everyone she is going to Scotland "to visit Nigel". He feels bad lying and when hefinds out that Dot told O-Den, he goes to look for him but finds Denman instead. when Denman hears Dot is "going to Scotland" he makes a sad face and wishes her well. Jim buys a special nighty for Dot to wear in orspital and says how hard it is to lie etc etc. Dot says they don't need anyone else as they have each other (plus Jay-sus!!). They dance to an old record. Again.