BEDTIME FOR BOZOS
This week, the producers have mostly nicked their ideas from that Bedtime series of plays about couples talking in bed. You know, the one with Sheila Hancock in it. And it's all about Trust - again. Hmph, trust Mark to get Babs' return while I'm stuck with this...

DON'T YOU WANT ME
Sham's having prenuptial nerves about Babs, and moaning about how Babs thinks she always gets things wrong. Well, let's face it Sham, it's not as if you've ever gone out of your way to prove otherwise. Sham admits that Minty proposed to her and Byrite laughs. Sham says that Billy says that Byrite's only after her money. Byrite tries to look pained and just ends up being shouty and slightly threatening instead. Then there's some kinky stuff with the charity shop wedding dress, and all is on for the wedding of the week. To be honest, I spent most of their scenes wondering who chose that godawful wallpaper.

DON'T FENCE ME IN
Chez Moon, Fool is in his West Ham pyjama top, but no bottoms to excite the women of a certain age, no doubt. Slutty has to sit down a lot because she's that far gone; and the camera tries desperately to show her in headshot at all times so that we don't marvel at her bump. They're all giggly and cute at first, but then Fool's insecurities come rushing out in a tsunami of Fool-ness. He can't get Byrite out of his head, and thinks that Slutty's going to run off with the first punter who smiles at her because she's still a Jezebel. He's been spending far too much time with Ian, breathing Ian fumes...

NATAL ATTRACTION
The Moomins have a new mattress, which they are about to test when Moomin makes a joke about parent sex. MMartin loses his wood, and stares guiltily at the pictures of Arfur and Poline in various states of married bliss on the wall - some of them quite artily framed for Poline. Moomin dozes off.

CRYPTO-INSANIA
Teen is about to jump Denman's bones, when Denman gets a call from Byrite, which he takes on the landing. Shazza fluffs up her hair and dons her best M&S satin pyjamas to visit the toilet. Denman returns to Teen, who's in a frisky mood tonight. Shazza sits in her bed, which appears to have a dead-cat bedspread, drinking wine and sulking. But there's plenty of Denman to go around, ladies, and once he's seen to Teen, he's a-knocking on Shazza's door. Blah blah...still has feelings...quick snog...Shazza offers him a bed, but Denman says not if you're going to cast me out again in the morning. Hang on a sec, I thought it was Denman who did the chucking the last time because he wanted a family or something. Or maybe I'm wrong. I probably am. Anyway, Shazza can't promise that she won't chuck him out of bed in the morning, so he goes back to Teen.