BBBBBAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBSSSSSSSSS!!!!
It is the day of the wedding. Fool and Slutty mope around as the caterers arrive. I am not going to make any sarcastic comments about the way Slutty spends the whole episode standing behind a box because anything is as preferable to a "Slutty is pregnant, is Andy the father???" storyline. Byrite stomps around with his evil minionators saying that nothing must stop his dastardly plan of marrying Sham and then tying her to a railway line until she signs over her deeds. Meanwhile there is much awkwardness between Denman and Shazza (whose hair is reaching "My Little Pony" levels of hugeness/plastic-ness) while Teen skips around oblivious. Shazza is cross that Denman is going to be Byrite's best man and refuses to have anything to do with the wedding. Backstreet is cross with Kareena for not teling him about Kellay. Kareena is actually wearing trousers instead of a microskirt for once. Vickney says she will bring Tommy to the wedding. Trinidad and Yolande hear that they have an offer on the other half of their house. Bad Brutha says they will only blow the whole lot on porcelian giant dogs like last time so they decide to invest it - and, lo, the Kwik-E-Mart goes on sale that very second. Whatever.

A minivan full of burly rugby players arrives and Babs gets out inexplicably too (avoids making obvious "I wonder if she's the hooker" joke). I am pleased to say that Barbara Windsor is looking very well and is wearing a resplendent beehive type hairdo for the occassion. She goes round to Sham's (where Sham is in the process of getting an invisible hairdo off LadyDen) and says rude things about Sham's bouquet etc etc before saying "... but it's your wedding". Babs prepares to get her bitch on when she discovers that LadyDen is, um, Lady Den but then calms down when Sham says that LadyDen had nothing to do with the anti-Fill scam. LD offers to do Babs hair too but Babs says she will will do it herself (ie get it out of a box and staple it onto her skull...)

Babs goes to get a cup of tea. She goes on a stroll round the Square and puts her foot in it for not realising that a) Yolande and TriniDad are married and b) that Dot has cancer. She is super nice to them and invites ebveryone to the wedding but don't worry it doesn't last long. She is mean to Billy, shouts at Ian for buying the caff and goes mental when she sees the burnt out husk of the snookerall (I thought it was half way to being remodelled by now - silly me). She goes to the Vic to catch up with Fool and Slutty (and accidentally invites Rosie Kleb to the wedding while she is there). There is some awkwardness re: Slutty and Byrite's failed nuptials but Babs never really finds out what happened.

Rosie is cross that the Dole Scum Twins are truanting for about a second before saying they can all go to the wedding. They can't get a cab and so end up going in the ice cream van instead. We also discover that Dole Scum Keef is not actually married to Rosie, but she keeps hoping that he will in the end. Great - another sodding wedding storyline on the horizon.

Byrite is scared that Babs will talk to someone and discover his dastardly scheme so he sends Minty out to keep her quarantined. Byrite discovers that Billy has already spoken to her but Billy won't say what he said. I realise that I can never remember any of Billy's scenes because I am too busy trying to see what videos are in the videoshop - this time Gosford Park and the Fellowship of the Ring are prominently displayed even though they are both a few years old. It is the video shop that time forgot!

Babs tells Sham off for selling the caff and blames herself for letting poor blonde Sham try and be in charge. Sham semi explains the whole falling out with Billy. Byrite shows up and meets Babs - Jesus H Christ! What is Babs wearing??? It is a sort of peach coloured flapper dress with feathers or wierd fronds or something round the neckline. Babs, just because you live in Rio doesn't mean you have to buy your clothes form transvestite carnival dancers. Byrite is super smarmy and charms Babs. Babs thinks Byrite is just the one to take Sham into hand so she can throw away her Business Barbie outfits and not have to worry her pretty little head about being a gangsta any more.

They all go to the church. Minty tries to get in the car with Babs but has to swop cars at the last minute. He makes a gurny face and goes to mope in the pub with Billy, Shazza, Fool and Slutty. Billy tells Minty to buck his ideas up and get his arse down the church. Go Minty! At the church there is mass confusion and pandemonium as Minty isn't there to tell people what side to sit on. The vicar makes a snide remark about Byrite being jilted the last time. What a bitch. Vickney shows up and, as widely predicted, her boyf turns out to be a middle aged Ben Elton look-a-likey. Babs runs into Moomin and Martin and makes a snide remark about Dead Jaymee. Good for you, Babs. Minty motors to the church but is run off the road by the DoleScumMobile and crashes into another bloke's car (who doesn't get any lines, even though his shiny red car is totally fucked and he just polished it and everything). They do the vow things at the church. As they get to the "no just cause and impediment" bit there is a crash at the back of the church. Who could it be?? Actually it is only the DoleScums. Fooled you! Meanwhile Minty runs as fast as his little legs will carry him. Run Minty! Run! He finally gets to the church but it is too late. Byrite has kissed Sham and trapped her in unholy satanic troth!! Minty makes another gurny face as though he is thinking to himself: "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!"