The Scarlet Letters
Byrite settles down with a bowl of cereal to watch cartoons, unaware
that someone has written "MOIDERER!!!" in red paint across the bay
window of his front room. When he finds out, he is peeved and orders
Curly & Lee to clean it up. He goes to the Kwik-e-Mart to shout at
Trinidad and accidentally jostles JoJo, causing her to break some
eggs. JoJo instantly rubs her slimy egg hands clean on his posh
cashmere overcoat. Ha ha! Byrite squeals "bitch!", shuts the bookies
and goes home so he can sit in a dark corner and rock back and forth.
Worst. Gangster. Ever. Later on, Yolande goes round and explains that
Trini-Dad is mad with grief and over-acting and asks Byrite to be
understanding and not to have Trini-Dad's kneecaps confiscated. Byrite
agrees, the big softy.
It turns out that Curly was the Phantom Red Paint Wielder!! He is very
pleased when he sees Byrite running around with a haunted expression,
muttering and flinching and generally losing it. The Moons are all
concerned that Ethel 2.0 is spending all her time locked in the toilet
after her ordeal at the hands of White Van Diesel. I would think that
even a bunch of complete cretins like them would have heard of Post
Traumatic stress, even if they would have trouble saying it. They buy
a security chain but is it enough??? Curly and Lee spot an empty house
that apparently never existed before and decide to break in and all
live/squat there instead.
Ian tries to get Poline to babysit so he can "call the shots" with
Panto-Jane again. Poline says that Ian should tell the children that
they have a new mummy.
O-Den and LadyDen wonder who has bought the club? (clue: he left his
heart in San Francisco)
Teen and Drippy are still moping around. Mo opens the stall so they
can bond and hang out together. Drippy asks what Teen wants for her
21st birthday – which is coming up soon - "To be impregnated by my
boyfriend's dad's demon seed!" says Teen (not). They decide to go for
a drink in the Vic in the evening (even though Drippy phoned in sick
that day - idiot) and Teen gives Drippy a make-over (i.e. puts her
hair up) to cheer her up. Billy is also in the Vic with Minty and
A-Garry. Drippy goes over to say hello but Billy runs away and cries.
Muppet. Drippy kinds of rolls her eyes and goes back to bantering with
Juley and Mickney. O-Den corners Teen and asks when she will pretend
she has lost the baby. Teen says "In my own good time, bitch. I'm
young, free and single and people mistake me for Liv Tyler!" (note:
this is the third time in as many weeks that people have cheered up
about something the day before something awful happens - time for the
writers to think up some new trite dramatic devices, eh?).
Pat is Back!!! Woo hoo! She asks Rainman out for lunch but he says no
because of all his family trauma, etc. She finds out about Bad Brutha
and goes to commiserate with TriniDad. Then she goes round to Byrite's
and asks him what the hell is going on. He tells her to leave off but
Pat is made of sterner stuff and keeps at him until Byrite admits that
BB was killed for being a grass and that Byrite grassed BB up to the
other gangstas (for being a grass). God, he is pathetic - all the cops
need to do is find an elderly police woman with big ear rings and
Byrite is TOAST. Pat almost browbeats Byrite into coming over and
telling this to TriniDad to set his mind at rest but Byrite remembers
at the last minute that he is supposed to be tuff and says "No!!" He
also waves his fist at Pat and says that she will end up dead if she
doesn't keep her mouth shut. Pat gives him a look like "Dude, that
might have been a scary threat if I hadn't just almost made you cry."
