Lady MacDenth

LadyDen and O-Den have a rehearsal for their wedding vow renewal with
Rev Villa. LadyDen then notices that a new £1,000 standing order has
been set up out of their joint account and asks what it is. O-Den lies
and says it for their pension. Ladyden pulls a mean face (for a
change) but today she actually gets off her arse and does something
else too - she ropes in a friend with suspiciously salon-perfect
ironed hair and starts pouring out her woes to her. It turns out the
friend is a solicitor and is called Amanda (which is what I was going
to call her anyway, as she looks a bit like TV's Amanda Holden. Spooky
or what). Amanda says she will help LadyDen stitch up O-Den
financially.

My heart sinks when the Millers appear, but I end up quite enjoying
their storyline. It turns out that Brainiac Rosie Klebb has been
ignoring loads of letters from the DDS (Department of Dole Scum) but
then a dole officer calls round their house to interview them and
decides that they are actually living as a couple and have been paid
too much benefit. Shame he didn't pop into the pub and catch Rosie
working there too, while he was at it. You can tell how much I hate
the millers when I am actually on the side of the DDS. Jojo is
especially hilarious today and makes fun of the Millers whenever they
call into the shop - she calls Dumber a "pikey" (I bet they get
complaints about that - also; pot/kettle much?) and later says that
DSKeef is dole scum and she may as well pay for his beer herself as it
is coming out of her taxes anyway. Yolande makes her apologise. Booo.
Keef tells Rosie that everything is going to be fine and they don't
have to worry about a thing.

Martin gets some screen time for the first time in weeks. His hair is
rotten - he looks like a star trek Vulcan who has tried to grow a
mullet. Some of Tony Bennet's flunkies knock into the fruit stall and
bruise some plums or whatever, so TB buys the damaged stock. He is one
of those Kray twin type gangsters who is loved by the community
apparently. He chats to Dot and Poline and they all pretend he used to
exist in the past and wasn't just made up out of thin air a few weeks
ago. He chats to Pat and it is pretty obvious that he used to be a
customer when she was a ho. She tells him to leave her alone and
shakes her enormous amber-ique earings at him. Tony also mocks Byrite
for not buying the club, tells Fool that he doesn't mind them staying
in his house and warns Curly and Lee not to do anything else wrong, or
else he will have them destroyed like a crippled horse or something.
Horses are certainly involved in the threat. Btw, Fool seems to have
replaced all his vile shirts with vile jumpers. What's that all about?

Sham asks for more responsibility so Ian lets her do the ordering.
She orders loads of cheap fish that no-one will apparently want to
eat. Sham correctly points out that they could "market it" so people
will try it. Every kind of fish from a chippy tastes the same anyway
so who gives a fuck? Ian calls her a crazy fule so Sham resigns
instantly. She goes to the pub to have a drink with Curly and LadyDen
offers her a bar job straight away to annoy O-Den. Silent Tracey
screams, silently, in the background.

Rainman is working long hours so he has money for the baybay. Mo
catches Teen looking at a crib in a magazine and yells that she won't
be able to afford all that fancy type stuff as she will have to spend
all her money on nappies and food. Babies don't eat that much surely?
They are only little! By the time they eat a lot you can send them out
to work as a chimney sweep or something. Anyway, this all leads up to
Rainman and Teen saying they don't want O-Den's money and Mo saying –
um yes, I'll take your money thanks. O-Den creepily tells Teen that he
will be with her "every step of the way".

LadyDen tells Amanda that she is not going to walk away this time and
wants all her money back from O-Den. Is this a first in EE - a woman
actually being sensible when a relationship goes tits up? Amanda
creates a diversion so LadyDen can swipe the keys to O-Den's Big Safe
of Secrets. They discover that the £1,000 is for a trust fund for
Teen's baby. LadyDen scores points by doing lots of Proper Soap
Acting, calling a Teen a "little bitch" and saying that she won't
support O-Den's "whore's brat". Oooo! Handbags a go-go. Amanda says
she will think of a way for LadyDen's name to be put on the Vic deeds.
LadyDen says everything has to in place for Thursday so she can wreak
her hideous revenge at the vow renewal ceremony.