I'm just talkin about Shaft!
I am not exaggerating when I say I dozed off about 4 times during this
episode. The blog will therefore be a bit disjointed and nonsensical,
but will anyone notice the difference???
It is Bad Brutha's funeral. I always seem to get funerals. TriniDad
has gone on walkabout and Yolande and pie-fancying Dr Perv are worried
about where he is. It turns out he has gone to the cops to tell them
about Sham's bombshell revelations. Sham is not very pleased when she
finds out the coppers will be coming round for a chat. Trinidad tells
Byrite that he has been a-sleuthing and that he'd better watch out.
Byrite calls Trinidad "Shaft". Heh. Trinidad is a bad mother. Shut
your mouth. Etc. Byrite goes and tries to scare Sham by saying that BB
was a grass and his bosses will do bad things to her if she also makes
with the grassing. Sham says, "I'm a Mitchell, I'm not easily scared.
After all, I've seen Babs without her make-up on." Later on the police
come round and Sham is unhelpful.
Rainman goes to see O-Den and asks where Denman is. He is concerned
that Teen is not sleeping and eating and is experiencing sickness, in
the morning. O-Den is intrigued and goes to ask Teen if she is
pregnant. She is all; "No. OK, yes - but it's not yours. A big boy did
it and ran away. OK. It is yours. Boo hoo. What am I going to doooo?"
O-Den bulges his eyes a bit and later announces to LadyDen that he
will help Teen financially, out of the goodness of his heart. LadyDen
spends the whole episode standing on rooftops making tragic faces and
staring into the distance. You are letting us all down LadyDen. Enough
of the staring and more of the cutting and the stabbing, please.
JoJo continues to corrupt Devil Child Lucy. DCL is talking about Ian
and PantoJane and Jojo says that they are totally doing it and that
DCL should take the opportunity to get some cash out of them. Ian says
he wants a special talk and goes through the whole "do you remember
how Cindy, Mel and Simpleton were your mummies in the past…" routine.
DCL acts pissed off and gets £20 to cheer herself up. She goes and
splits it with JoJo - why JoJo, you can get an entire new wardrobe
from New Look for that and still have change for a bottle of Smirnoff
Ice!
Curly and Lee persuade Fool that it would be a good idea to move into
Pat's old house. Fool says "but you can't furnish a house in a day!"
Silly Fool. Don't they have IKEA in the Eastenderverse? (yes, having
seen shazza's old décor). Curly steals a truck full of furniture or
something. They move in, the electricity breaks down and Fool
discovers that actually he is living in a squat.
At the funeral, Trinidad walks off halfway through. Also he is beastly
to Yolande and is generally cruising for a bruising. Dr Perv says that
they should just concentrate on the funeral and let BB rest in peace.
TriniDad says "He's mah sonnnn! I can't rest until Byrite is locked
up!" Back at the square, T-D is shocked to discover that Byrite is
still a free man. Sham goes round and explains that BB was a grass and
was killed by a hitman. No, not Pete Waterman! A proper hitman. After
she has left, Dr Oerv explains that the hitman was probably a ninja or
something, and that they are very sneaky and can disappear in a puff
of smoke, so there's no way the police will catch them. (Hmmm, you
seem very sure of all this Dr Perv, what have you REALLY been doing in
the mystic far east, land of the ninja??). Trin-Dad makes a series of
comical faces (ie. cries) and says that he won't know what to do if he
can't get justice for BB. "What will I do? Blah blah?" I've got a
suggestion: Shut up!!!
