SHAM-ALONGA-TEEN-DONE
Fool's tat stall has been trashed by Evil Vandals, he tells Sham - but everybody really knows that it was a cry for help by Byrite. You see, Byrite's cross about Tony Bennett's community Kray-style is making him look a bit amateur, so he's decided to set up a protection racket. On one stall. Hmm...you need to go back to gangsta school, Byrite. Anyway, he makes another more unsuccessful demand for Fool's dinner money, then slinks off with Quentin to concentrate on his sweet-removal-from-sleeping-babies operation.

Sham tries to make friends with Teen, but Teen's too busy moping and thinking bad thoughts to concentrate. LadyDen and O-Den spy on them from the living-room. O-Den growls while LadyDen tells him to get over himself. Sham arrives for work, gets shouted at by O-Den, and then LadyDen corners her to discuss the Shaming of O-Den plan some more. She tells Sham that she and Amanda Exposition have got power of attorney or some legal shenanigans that I can't be bothered with. The upshot is she offers Sham half the Watts Empire if she comes in on it. Sham does that thoughtful look, and then makes a Mysterious Phone Call.

LadyDen catches Teen trying to avoid her. Teen calls her a baby murderer. LadyDen points out that it wasn't her signature on Dr Nick's consent form. Teen: mopey, blamey...blah. While moping in the Kwik E Mart, Teen encounters Cute Baby Aleesha and Demi. JoJo tries to kick them out and tells Demi that CBA is a millstone around her freckly teenage neck. Demi does that big-eyed thing while Teen tells JoJo off for being a heartless little bitch. Yeah, but she does it so well. They go to the caff. Dull conversation about how Demi chose life and wouldn't be parted from her baybay for the world...so when exactly did the Pope become a script consultant, producers? Nobody giving the alternative point of view? Not even Doktor Boden-Shirt?

In another part of the caff, Ian announces that PantoJane is moving in to the Devil Children. DC Lucy says NOOOOOOOOO! and her head swivels 360 degrees. Not really. She snits off, and DC The Other One asks her why she has to spoil everything. It's called Puberty...

All day everybody has been ignoring a bloke parked in a suspiciously new van on the square. The van seems to emit a strange white circle of light that flits hither and thither until it alights on...the Dolescums! Dumber Dolescum has stolen Keef's remote control, and will only return it if Keef plays with him. Keef's concentrating so hard on keepy uppy that he doesn't see the white circle or the video camera operated by the the DSS Mysteron van. Officer Mysteron mutters "gotcha!", but not in a low enough voice to be a proper Mysteron. He confronts Keef with the evidence, and yes, the Dolescums are going to lose their benefits. Send him on a Restart course!

The Moon storyline is utterly inexplicable. Tony tells Lee to tell Curly to stop following them like a kicked puppy. Curly whines: "it's not faaaiiir" and Byrite tells him that he's a Billy No Mates...well, coming from the expert... Lee tells Curly that he doesn't want him around for a while. Curly cries, then punches Lee, then runs off. Lee comes home to find Curly's bag packed and Curly about to go. Curly goes. OK,this is probably important, but...

Sham and Teen have some fucking weird conversations that usually involve the phrase: "You're a Mitchell..." or "I'm a Slater...Slaters...etc". At one point Teen says something along the lines of "I don't deserve the name Slater". Crap like this doesn't deserve the name Drama. So the upshot is Teen's upset and not even Rainman's clumsy affection can cheer her up because she has done an UnSlater Thing (I dunno, she's screamed incomprehensibly at random individuals, looked troubled, done stupid things, then slept with somebody she shouldn't have. That's the Slater way alright)

Byrite, in the meantime boasts to Quentin about what he's going to do to Tony Bennett (mess up his poster paints?) on this "job" and gets drunk. Once drunk he taunts Sham so much that O-Den is forced to throw him out and bar him for life. Sham decides to go in with LadyDen's evil plan, but warns her that she's not an easy mark. LadyDen tries not to laugh and says they both have to work on Teen now.