Keef-er Madness

There is some kind of big shindig at the club, which is the centre of
many plotlines today. It is Curly's first day on the door and he is
nervous in case he is going to be LURED TO HIS DEATH or something. He
is questioned by DS Cheferton, who is suspicious that the Moons were
first working for Byrite and are now working for Tony Bennett. He says
wacky things like "What was going through Byrite's head, apart from
the wheel of a big truck?" What a comedian. At the club, Lee notices
that Curly is v twitchy and asks Fool what the hell is going on. Fool
explains that Curly was working for Byrite just before he was killed.
Lee purses his Kenneth Branagh style non-lips.

Jojo is hanging with DC Lucy in the shop. Jojo is all "Jane's a bitch!
She's not your real mum!" Scalliq and Juley come in and Jojo says she
will see them at the club. They mock her for being young (One of them
says something like "Yeah, see you through the round window" which was
quite funny) JoJo catches DCL laughing and tells her to go back to her
faux-mum. Jane is still all on eggshells round Lucy but then they bond
over make-up. DC Lucy is quite sweet and non-satanic this episode. Ian
comes in - I hope he is going to start shouting "Why are you painting
my daughter like a harlot!!" but he just leaves them to it.

Dole Scum Keef puts on his shabby 1980s burton suit and goes round the
Square asking for jobs. Hey Keef, no-one is working at the Nail Bar at
the moment! He has no success and what's more, LadyDen grabs his 20
squid note and uses it to pay off his bar tab. At home, Rosie Klebb
starts screaming that they now have only £5 to live on FOREVER. Hey
Rosie, you just have a crappy part time job so why don't you get off
your arse and look for another job too. People are speculating that
this is all leading up to an adult illiteracy plot for Keef, though
surely someone who has spent so much time in front of the telly would
have watched that "learn to read" programme about illiterate truckers
that used to be on telly on Sunday evenings in the 70s - what was it
called now?

Adull and Martina bicker about their doomed non-gay love. Adull sits
in the cab office all evening phoning gay sex lines (probably) while
Martina goes to the club with Kareena. Martina's caramel coloured fun
fur coat is completely horrid, btw. Adull runs off to the club but
Curly won't let him in as he is not "dressed to impress". JoJo also
gets turned away, on account of how she is twelve. Martina decides to
have fun anyway. Kareena tries to blag some coke off Scalliq, but to
no avail.

Moomin moans that Martin is tied to apron strings and that Poline is a
funsucker. Moomin, you knew all that stuff when you married him. Also
I wouldn't particularly like to be kept awake by the full throated
mating cries of a moomin so shut it. They stay in for a bit but then
get bored and go out to spend money and be irresponsible.

Drippy runs into Billy in the street and he runs away. She asks Minty
to be nice to Billy and get him out of the house. Billy, Minty and
Fool go out for a drink together but then Billy runs away when Drippy
passes and says hello - just a thought but maybe you could have gone
to a pub where she doesn't work.

Sham potters round Byrite's house and chats to Minty. She gets a
letter from his lawyer and assumes that she will inherit the house.

Teen is still moping around. I should really set up a macro for that
sentence. Mo keeps badgering her to find out what is wrong but Teen
just whimpers uselessly. God Teen, just blame the "miscarriage" or
something. LadyDen phones up and tells her to get her arse out onto
the stall and act normal and then spends the rest of the day snapping
at Drippy. Sham goes round the Vic and asks for her bar job back and
then gets LadyDen upstairs and asks when she is going to get her half
of the Vic. They exchange a series of insincere smiles and shifty
sidelong glances and LadyDen says that she will keep her word, but it
is too soon to hand it over straight away. Teen comes round and starts
whimpering and LadyDen tries to arrange to meet her seperately. Sham
is apparently intelligent today as she notices this and tries to get
Teen alone too and stop LadyDen seeing her alone. There is a symbolic
shot of Teen, sat in the middle of LadyDen and Sham as they both hold
her hand. Do you see what they did there? Eh? Eh? Sham outmanoeuvres
Ladyden and arranges to take Teen to the club for a girly drink. They
drink a couple of tequila slammers and Sham gets Teen to admit that
LadyDen is accusing her of being the murderer and is being
simultaneously protective/scary. Sham is all "oh, is she now" and says
they have to stick together to resist LadyDen's machinations. She
doesn't tell Teen that LadyDen was the bludgeoner though. Ladyden
appears and they all exchange yet more sidelong glances/fake smiles.
There is only one way to settle this - I'm talking drinks thrown in
faces, evening gowns and a swimming pool.