PAGING VERA DRAKE
Did renewal-of-wedding-vows ceremonies exist before soap operas were invented? I'd never heard of them before the Furwank/Babs/Pat bow-tie incident. Anyway, LadyDen's got her lawyer staying at the Vic, which means lots of chances to slink around in satin tops and smirk knowingly at each other behind O-Den's back. Lawyer Lady draws up some papers that mean LadyDen controls half of O-Den's empire. Think I dropped off or had to empty the bin at this point.

O-Den, meanwhile is over at the Slaters, getting some practice in with Cute Baby Freddy. Mo tries to take his money, but Teen gives it back. More talk of babies and nappies: cost of...I'd put those norks to good use and save a bit of money that way, Teen. That's a point, has anybody ever breastfed on EE?

Sham's moaning to Minty about ordering the wrong fish and having no money to entertain Curly with. Minty finally snaps when she tries to tap him for a tenner and tells her to stop whining, bitch and earn herself some money like normal people do. Sham moans some more to Curly, who bunks off work early, thus annoying Goddess Pat and making Lee sigh again. LadyDen repeats her offer of a job, and Sham says yes. LadyDen smiles as another piece of her evil plan falls into place...bwahahahah! She spends the rest of the day distributing re-wedding invitations to random passers-by.

PantoJane cooks bangers and mash for the Devil Children. Lucy wrinkles her nose and says that actually her dad's a proper chef, actually, and they usually have home-made ravioli stuffed with Guatemalan sheeps' testicles on Tuesday. PJane gets the pancake pan out, manages to bond with Other Devil Child over pancakes recipes. Lucy acts up for Ian, and Ian tells PJane to make more of an effort. PJane can hear Lucy sharpening the knives for the human sacrifice...

Fool is sad because Pancake Day is the day he lost his parents because he refused to buy lemons or whatever. Ethel and Lee tell him to stop moping and cheer up, for God's sake. Fool announces that he has decided to move out of the house and back onto the streets, and Ethel 2.0 is coming too.

Moomin bumps into Teen in the launderette. There's a slight tiff, then Moomin notices that Teen is sad. All together now...MOOMIN POWERS ACTIVATE!!! Oh, those powers have been dormant for too long. Out they rush, along with a hefty dose of false memory syndrome. Moomin says that there's nothing like the bond between mother and child. Teen points out that she gave Moominbaby away, but Moomin glosses over that. Anyway, several minutes of sentimental whiffling about bonding during pregnancy (uh? She didn't even know she was pregnant) later, and Teen's ready to book the appointment at the Special Clinic, methinks.