NO 13 BABY
(nb: I probably have used this title before, but...bothered)
The trouble with build-up episodes is that you have to pay attention because even the most mundane act might be Important For Later. Tonight, everything seems to pointing to the Kill O-Den/Byrite plot. Even Betty the Dog seems is giving Byrite/Den hacky looks.

There is a bit of light relief in that the Millers are being given a Kill JoJo subplot. JoJo gives Mickney some free stuff, much to Dumber's disgust. Dumber tells her that Mickney doesn't even know she exists, and Lucy's too busy making a wax effigy of PantoJane to play with her so she's JoJo NoMates ner ner ner. Then he says he doesn't fancy standing out on Mickney's stall all day (ummm...school anybody?), so can he hide in the shop instead. JoJo taunts him, and he drinks half a bottle of peach schnapps to prove his manhood. With a girl's drink? Hmmm, Dumber by name...anyway, he tries to snog JoJo, but the schnapps (and possibly JoJo's cheap skanky teen perfume) prove too strong, and he passes out. JoJo panics, an entire skive of Millers appears and shouts a lot until the ambulance arrives. We'll probably find out that Dumber has a rare intolerance to alcohol that causes his spleen to turn purple and rupture. Or is that wishful thinking? Anyway, JoJo cons Keef into lifting some tins in front of the CCTV, then shops him to the DSS Mysterons.

Tony Bennett does his lurking around the square being an eminence grise again. There's some stuff about O-Den having Tony Bennett's "plumbers" (plumbers mate=skate?...oh I dunno). Byrite goes to remind O-Den about said plumbers, and they square up to each other. Attempting to prove that his willy is indeed more substantial than Byrite's, O-Den tells him that he was behind the conning of Sham and he stole the entire Mitchell empire from right under Byrite's nose hardehar. Byrite tells Sham.

Tony wants Lee to do a "job" for him, but not to include Curly. Lee protests, but Tony says that Curly has "issues" - which is a novel way of telling someone that their brother is a fuckwit, I suppose.

Teen gets a lot of baby nonsense from the Mos. Drippy keeps hugging a 6-9 month-old's vest to her chest and wondering that CBF was once that small. He isn't that big yet, love. Teen runs to LadyDen and says that she doesn't want the baby at all, not if it's going to get stalked by O-Den and the adopted parents rubbed out etc. LadyDen says she knows a backstreet abortionist who will do it for cash, then removes the contents of O-Den's wallet and whisks Teen off to D&C before she has a chance to change her mind. They sit in a windowless room with a load of magazines for ages and talk about babies and whether or not it knows. I nearly eat my cushion with frustration at the cavalier depiction of a sensitive subject and try not to swear in front of the baby. Anyway, Dr Nick Riviera does the job, and LadyDen tries not to laugh when she tells O-Den that there's been an accident and he's not going to be a grandad. O-Den has only just finished purring at Dot's comment about his potential as a grandparent. Oh for god's sake, just kill him and let us all get on with our lives.

Billy won't take AGarry's rather lame advice about picking himself up, dusting himself off, and starting all over again. Billy punches AGarry (with some justification - shut up about your new life as a Slater bitch, please), and eventually gets chucked out by O-Den. Tony Bennett finds him snivelling on Loser's Bench (maybe they'll rename it Billy's Bench soon) and asks him if he's a Mitchell. Billy says he's a Nowhere Man, living in his Nowhere Land, making all his Nowhere Plans for Nobody.

Wooo...big build-up starts next week...oh boy.