SPARKLE PSYCHO-NANNY! SPARKLE!

Psycho nanny has taken to lurking outside Fill'n'Kyert's bedroom as they pack for their holiday and bursting in when it sounds like they are getting up to anything saucy. Kyert tells Fill to be nice to her so he gives her some money and tells her that she looks nice. Good move Fill. P-Nanny overhears Fill telling Kyert that he likes leopard skin (because Babs wears it, you sick freak) and so buys a leopard skin dress to wear to Martin's birthday party. She pines about Fill to Kellay and Teen but they tell her to get a grip. Scalliq and DJ Ross lurk around, making fun of Kellay and Psycho nanny and staring at Teen's ample chest. Martin takes a sudden interest in horticulture.

A-Gary takes some flowers to Simpleton, but where could she be? Oh right, I didn't notice her because she is wearing a jumper the exact same colour as the hospital walls. Gary volunteers to sort out her flat for her return and suggests they name the kid after a West Ham player past or present. They settle on Bobby, after Sir Bobert Moore.

Fill and Denman notice some people in a car spying on them. Denamn gets all hysterical yet again. God denman, take a pill or something.

Baz has Jack for the day so Juhneen summons Bad Brotha for a shag. Afterwards he says he feels used and cheap and asks for some of barry's money so that he feels special again. Baz is sad that he is a part time dad so Juhneen stuffs his head into her bosoms to cheer him up.

Kyert invites Drippy and Billy round for dinner. They talk about vibrators without actually saying "vibrator" and then Drippy and Kyert drink loads of tequila and cackle incessantly. Billy suggests that he and Fill take up a hobby together. After they have gone Fill goes to bed and Kyert slumps back onto the sofa and instantly falls asleep. Great acting there Kyert.

Oh Jesus, for the party P-Nanny puts on her leopardskin frock, about three tons of mascara and backcombs her hair like crazy so that she looks some kind of demented refugee from the Valley of the Dolls. Adil (gay or gimp???) tries to chat nanny up but fails utterly either because (a) she isn't a man or (b) isn't forcing him to lick her shiny shiny boots of leather. At the party, DJ Ross plays that Panjabi MC record non stop all evening. Buy another record, DJ Ross. Him and Teen sniff round each other. Kellay ostentatiously flirts with Martin to make DJ Ross jealous and drags him off to bed. Martin is all "Score!" but once they are out of DJ ross' sight, Kellay looks totally bored. Scalliq lays a bet that he can shag Nanny but she is too drunk and pukes a lot before leaving. By now her mascara is running, her hair is huge and disarrayed and she looks totally insane. She sees that Kyert is asleep and tiptoes into Fill's room, takes off her clothes and gets into bed with him. When Fill notices that it is her she says "take me! take me! i'm the one for you, not that Kyert." ha ha ha! Fill throws her out and she pulls more mad faces.