BILLY, DON'T BE A ZERO

Well well well, 24 hours after the birth of the Simplet, Laura seems to have got her figure back, and despite her moaning about leaking milk, her lemon yellow t-shirt is remarkably free of cheese-like splodges. Amazing. So, she's fretting about Little Yellow Simplet who is apparently suffering from some rare blood condition that should have been noticed during a routine midwife visit months ago - but midwives don't actually exist in EE land, do they? Tsk! Simpers whines at Pat, who goes off in search of AGarry.

AGarry is still living chez Slater, though the Slater women are making life extremely hard for him. Charlie hauls him off for a secret advice session at the caff, and tells him not to let his child down. I'm definitely not on Sullen's side in this one - she's shagged half the square while she's been married to him, and he's being made to pay for a two-second drunken bunk-up behind the chippy with an idiot. AGarry does that funny grimace thing with his mouth and runs off to the hospital to offer the baby his blood. But...the midwife (oh they exist now, do they?) says his blood is useless because Simpers is an O and the baby's an AO, and AGarry's...something else. Simpleton looks troubled.

Doomed NC sub-plot. Billy has some weird idea of becoming an builder's agent, but nobody wants to give him their life savings to set himself up in business. Strange that. Even stranger is the thought of Drippy doing sex toy parties, but there you go. Maybe Drippy will become addicted to her "Love Bunny" vibrator and never leave the plot cupboard until Eeevil Trevor is resurrected. This sub-plot is DOOOOMED, I tell you! Stop it now!

Dot decides to help Poline out in the launderette. Jim learns to cook and iron so that he can help out at home. But he doesn't even know that you put the mash on top of the meat in a shepherd's pie. Well Gay Pike thinks it's funny, but he doesn't get much to laugh about these days.

Martin's planning his partay, but Scalliq and Kellay are still sniping at each other. Meanwhile DJ Ross has started finding excuses to talk to Teen and gurn at her like a weird stalker type. Teen is confused. Confused enough to consider going on holiday with Sham.

Denman stays out all night, practising his tortured scowl on the Swings of Contemplation. Shazza is worried. He passes her in the market, and says he's going to the gym but he hasn't got a kit or anything. A few hours later he comes home, with his kit magically slung over his shoulder. They talk boringly about Den treating Shaz like a princess even though he was evil to everybody else except Dot. The picture on the sideboard grows larger and larger...