DOCTOR, DOCTOR! CAN’T YOU SEE YOU’RE BORING, BORING!

Trini-dad refuses to accept that Dr P is leaving and hides in the caff. Sonia does a moomin powers activate routine but he still won’t talk to Dr P. Dr P goes around saying goodbye to everyone. Sonia lies and says he was an inspiration. Such an inspiriation that she only wants to be a healthcare assistant instead of a nurse now. Slutty blames him for spoiling everything between her and Fool but then calms down and they have a nice chat. Trini-dad talks to someone about how when he left Jamaica his father gave him his only possession – a magic bottle cap or something. Oh, I don’t even care. In the end he forgives Dr P for leaving and they hug and learn etc. Trini-dad gives him the Magical Bottle-Cap of Fatherly Approval. Dr P (wearing a white jacket – that’ll be practical for backpacking, you great mook) shoulders his rucksack and sets off, singing the theme song to “The Littlest Hobo”. Buh bye Dr Perv, how you enthralled us with your limited acting ability and crypto-incestuous plotlines.

Pat and Kyert arrange a surprise mini-party for Simpleton for her last day at work. Sullen gives her hacky looks. A Gary tries to find out whether it is going to be a boy so he can order the West Ham Relegation Special Romper Suit (um, girls like football too, thicko). Fill gives Simpleton a wad of cash to tide her through her maternity leave, the big softy. Dadvis tries to put the moves on Kyert as he is desperate for a date for the family wedding.

Denman’s prison bitch Tony turns up moaning about money again so Denman goes to see Thuh Boss who turns out to be – dun dun dunnnn!- Mad Frankie Knuckles. Denman says “Give me the money motherfucker or I’m grassing you up to the cops!” After he has gone MFK says Grrr! and looks menacing (and also looks a lot like Hale and/or Pace). I think we can all see where this is going…

Slutty lies in bed with no make-up looking all tragic – she pours her heart out to Sullen and says “I am a slut after all!” She wants to quit the bar job but Fool begs her to come in on one last shift. He spends all morning practicing saying “I wuv you!" and "I’m sorry for calling you a ho-bag!” to Ethel 2.0. Slutty turns up at the pub looking all tight lipped and resolute and Fool tries to apologise (while Ethel hangs from the banisters like a tightly permed gargoyle mouthing “tell her you love her!”). Slutty tells him to shut up and says that she wants to keep her job but that her and Fool have to stay mates from now on and forget all the relationship nonsense. Fool agrees so Slutty goes off to work while he stands by the stairs looking stricken. Serves you right, double standards boy.