DOH! A DIV, A BIG FAT DIV

Simplet is fine after its blood transfusion. Simpleton (wearing a really nasty pale blue Mothercare t-shirt with frilly trimmings) is glad. But will she tell AGarry that he is not the farver? No, of course not. The scriptwriters give us a clue to the real father's identity by showing Rickay the Love God going around the market with a card and a bunch of flowers for Simpers. Does that mean he takes AGarry's sloppy seconds? Ewww...

Slutty is very cross with all men everywhere. She's mean to Billy (he spent the night passed out in the Vic toilet after storming out on Drippy - good security, Fool, my son); then she's mean to Ian, and she's utterly horrible to poor old Charlie because he won't allow them to set fire to AGarry.

Drippy succumbs to Billy's emotional blackmail just as TriniDad and Jim discover via Bad Brutha that this builders' agent business idea is a scam. Anyway, Charlie signs over his 500 quid life savings (that's a week's worth of tips for most self-respecting London cabbies, what's wrong with you, man?) so that Billy can get well and truly ripped off, thus consigning him to a life of cleaning toilets for Shazza. Why don't he and Drippy set up that cleaning business again? They were good at that.

Adil, second son of Dadvis, reveals a little more about his secret life. No, he's not a gayer, he's a GIMP! Martina Navratilova the "girlfriend" turns out to be a dominatrix who specialises in chastising naughty boys. So anyway, Dadvis still thinks that Martina is Adil's real girlf, and insists she comes to the wedding. Oh boy is she going to give him his money's worth at their next session. Well, that's my theory and I'm sticking to it until something more juicy comes along.

Psycho Nanny has developed a special cat's arse expression for every time somebody mentions Kyert and Fill's forthcoming nuptials. Kyert says there's no question of her being sacked after the wedding, so she's stuck with them forever and ever and ever. Teen decides that PNanny needs to get out more and invites her to Mafia Martin's partay so that she can get off with Asif or one of the other muppets. PNanny isn't sure, but Teen says: "This isn't the Sound of Music, you know". PNanny goes to the video shop and gets The Sound of Music. Maybe she's going to make MiniFill a playsuit out of curtains and buy a guitar for the next visit to the park.

Incidentally, has anybody else noticed the quality of Fill's living room art? He's got Kandinskys all over the place. I wouldn't have put him down as a Kandinsky kind of man...more a Crying Boy or those airbrushed 80s pictures of cars...

This episode was a Shazza and Denman-free zone. Hurrah!