TEARS OF A PERV

Ugh, this one was really boring. Dr Perv is acting like he doesn't care about his negligency hearing but actually he is crying on the inside like a sad clown. Bad Brutha tells him to think about all the good things he has done but then can't think of any examples. Heh. Dr P goes off to the hearing while Bad Brutha and Trini-dad bite their nails. Bad brutha gets Slutty to get everyone to sign a "We don't mind that you killed that lady" card. Dr Perv comes home and after some "suspense" it turns out that he was cleared. They go to the pub for a drink but it turns out that the dead lady's overacting teen son has followed him back from the hospital and shouts "My mum is dead and it's all your fault" at Dr Perv. Dr P runs off to cry.

Fool decides to cook a romantic dinner for Slutty. Annoying gary jokes about how much of a slut Slutty is and sucks his teeth and shakes his head when Slutty brushes off some fat salesman who was chatting her up. Ugh, whatever. There is a non comedy subplot about Ethel 2.0 leaving her ear plugs in and thinking she is going deaf. Teen and Kellay use their girlish charms to get DJ Ross and Scalliq to help them move into their new flat. Teen gazes uncertainly back across the Square at her old house. Jesus, you're only moving across the road, not running away to join the French Foreign Legion. Later on her and DJ ross simper at each other and Teen tells Slutty that she really really likes him.

Sham does a business plan "wiv a spreadsheet and everyfink!" to convince Ian that he can go on holiday to Sarf Africa and leave her in charge of the business.

Shazza decides to cook an Independence Day dinner to cheer Vickney up.

Denman hangs around with his pinchfaced pal (Tony). Tony has been beaten up by a loan shark so Denman agrees to talk to their old criminal contacts. Tony plays a slot machine and loses. Because he is a Loser. Later on Den goes to meet a spivvy bloke in a shiny suit and asks for money. They have a boring conversation direct from the microchips of the Eastenders MS Cockney Gangster Cliche Generator Version 7.1

Kareena spends the night on Maddhur Jaffrey's sofa. Maddhur is wearing a wierd, voluminous, jedi style, brown blouse thing. They talk about Scalliq and Maddhur says he is a no good rat. Then she explains her entire family history to Kareena (who, I would have thought, already knows it). Basically Maddhur disobeyed her parents to marry Dadvis, who was a promising showbiz star, but then Dadvis gave up his dreams of Bollywood to support his family and turned into the irritating, bitter bastard we know today so Maddhur ran off with some other bloke and they all have to pretend that she is dead. Back at Walford all the other brothers run around having kittens trying to cover for Kareena's disappearance. Maddhur drives Kareena back to Walford and is nearly spotted by fucking Dadvis. All the kids convene in the kirtchen and Kareena says that she is sick of all the lies and the sneaking around and that she is going to tell Dadvis that they have all been regularly seeing Maddhur and sampling her authentic, yet easy to reproduce, cooking.