OH YOLANDE! I'M YOUR (TRINI)DADDY!
It's October: time for the annual build-up to the Xmas wedding/divorce/declaration of incestuous relationship/teen muppet car-crash horror.

Ethel 2.0 is extremely annoying. First she tells Drippy that she hasn't eaten for 24 hours - my cats try that one on all the time - and then we discover that she's been hiding all Alfie's post in her sewing basket. I've never seen this woman lift a needle in her life, where did the sewing basket come from? Alfie discovers a postcard from Slutty among the unpaid bills and bailiffs' notes. Slutty has signed "Love and Kisses, Slutty xxxxxoxoxoxoxoxxoxo S.W.A.L.K " - this, in Moon World is tantamount to a marriage proposal and so Fool decides that he will ask Slutty to marry him as soon as she comes back from her Sopranos-style romp in NYC with Byrite Andy. No wonder people think West Ham fans are stupid.

Yolande is leaving. Jim and Bad Brutha are suddenly unwilling Cupids and do lots of shouting and gesticulating and bribing of workmen to get her to stay. In the end Patrick sees the error of his ways after asking a man-faced woman out and then throwing himself in front of Yolande's departing taxi. Yolande relents and agrees to stay. Hurrah!

Being the only person in the Watts family with more than two braincells to rub together, O-Den decides that Shazza's flat really is too small for four adults, and says he's going to buy a house where they can all live together, like the Slaters. Denman asks where the money is coming from, but obviously nobody did find that treasure on Fort Boyard because O-Den just looks smug and taps his nose. He looks speculatively at Fill's old flat (I thought Shazza was living there?) and practises freaking Fool out, just for laughs.

I think they should move into a secret underground lair, with the entrance by Neat Potato Man's shed guarded by killer penguins.

Meanwhile Drippy tells Fool that Slutty really ought to know that Ethel 2.0 is crackers, just in case she hasn't worked it out for herself (well, she still hasn't twigged that her boyfriend is a gangster, even though he tried to blackmail her brother-in-law and lives in Chigwell, so she might not have done).

Poline tries calling MMartin, but without her to pay for his mobile, he's forgotten to charge it or something. She goes through his things and finds an old box of Gay Pike's that he never told her about. Haven't we been down this "old box in the Fowlers' attic" route before with Dot? They'll be finding the Ark of the Covenant in Lou's old knicker drawer next.

Shirley puts her flat on the market, but the first viewers are driven away by Evil Gavin's dodgy musical taste and reputation for Evil.