HANG THE DJ
I have to say that I actually dozed off in the middle of this EE. Possibly the dullest ep ever, but then I say that, and the scriptwriters manage to smash the previous record for unendurable tedium a few short weeks later.

So, Fool/Slutty/Byrite relationship triangle thingy. Ethel 2.0 has a nanosecond of sanity - long enough to tell Fool that he should declare his love for Slutty. Actually perhaps that's not such a good idea. What does he think Slutty has been doing in NYC with Byrite all this time? Visiting art galleries? Feeding ducks in Central Park? Charlie tries to let Fool down gently by saying that all Slutty wants is a quiet family do chez Slater - umm...OK. Later Drippy comes over to tell Fool that no, Slutty wants to have a big do in the Vic. So they asked her then.

Fool runs around trying to organise the catering and music and fails dismally. The words: "piss-up" and "brewery" spring into my semi-consciousness. Slutty turns up in something she seems to have purchased off a bloke in a carpark by the New Jersey Turnpike. Fool starts telling her that she's gorgeous etc etc but then Byrite rushes in and Slutty shows off her brand new Mafia Queen engagement ring.

O-Den's mate Lenny discovers where Fill's money comes from. He's a crook. No! Really? That'll give Kyert a shock then. Shazza quivers her lips and says she doesn't think that Lenny is appropriate company for O-Den. Like how old is he? 15? O-Den tells her to chill out...fnarr!

Poline and Gay Pike reminisce about the old days and Gay Pike's secret box over a posh lunch with wine and everything . Without the frisson of spying on MMartin to keep him on his toes, Gay Pike dozes off and Poline discovers his 70s wedding photos. She is shocked. Shocked!

More wrinkly sex alert. Jim thinks that Dot is going to make him sleep on the sofa when he finds her fussing around in the bedroom but no, Dot is merely buying a double bed so that they can cuddle up together on the cold winter nights. No, that's what they want to do. I refuse to think of the alternative...

Shirley finds Eeevil Gavin at the dodgy CD stall and tells him that he's won: she's moving out and could he please keep his music down while people are looking at her flat. As soon as the latest couple walk in, however, Evil Gavin puts Frank Zappa on at 12 and they run off again. Shirley is very very sad, and smashes a vase which inadvertently slashes her wrists. Ash Ferreira appears from nowhere - one of his mystery non-jobs, perhaps - and binds her wounds. Maybe I fell asleep at this point and started dreaming because the only way this particular plot development would make sense would be if a tired hormonal pregnant woman dreamed it...

Let's finish with another love triangle. Scalliq wants DJ Ross to ditch Teen and join in his foursomes, and seizes his chance when DJ Ross gets all moany and bitchy about Teen preferring to welcome her mother home, to spending the night nursing a solitary vodka at some dodgy club, getting chatted up by stripey-shirted losers, and casting hacky looks at potential groupies. Scalliq tells Sullen that Teen would prefer to do the latter. Sullen puts on her evil face and goes to sort out Teen. DJ Ross is sad. Later at the club, O-Den makes him sadder by taking the piss out of his set ("Call that Balearic? Bollocks more like...do you have any Frankie Vaughan?"). Then the dark-haired girl from last week's party sticks her tongue down DJ Ross's throat and Scalliq looks victorious. So that's the potential lezzing up storyline well on the way then: because we all know that lesbians are just on the rebound from no-good men...who the fuck writes this stuff? the Loaded editorial team?