NOTS YOLANDE-ING

Martin and Poline argue about Martin's midnight raid on the cash box. Martin: "I'm allowed to take money! I earnt it!" Poline: "you're a liar and a thief" Martin "If you think that then I may as well move out". Poline "Move out then!" Martin "I will then!" Poline: "Fine!" Martin: "Fine!" They both spend the rest of the episode waiting for the other one to apologise. Gay Pike hangs around, snivelling and grovelling, as usual. Dot says that maybe Martin isn't going through a phase and maybe he is just bad to the bone. Martin ostentasiously puts his suitcase on the table and says he is moving to Edinburgh to stay with Asif. Poline is all set to forgive him when she discovers that the case is empty and that Martin is bluffing. She throws him out. Ha ha ha ha.

Fool finds out that Slutty is back from N Y C soon and is all happy etc.

Yolnade spends the whole episode telling Dot that she is a great match for Jim and Dot spends the whole episode worrying because she is frigid and can't love Jim like they do on the Discovery Channel. Yolande is packing to leave (oh, she's not really leaving...) but takes Dot out for a drink. Trinidad is at the bar, drinking heavily. Yolande gives him superb, sideways hacky glances while Trinidad looks really sheepish. He can't even say goodbye when she leaves the pub. Later on he sits in the messy bed and breakfast and poignantly fingers one of Yolande's fascist housecleaning rotas. Dot makes Jim dance with her. I suppose that's a start

Scalliq spends the whole episode handing out flyers, trying to get it on with the laydees and generally being a dickhead. Even Teen thinks that he has gay love for DJ Ross and makes a "Scalliq fancies DJ Ross" joke whilst Scalliq is trying to chat up laydees at Angies Den. She has to leave early so Scalliq tries to get DJ Ross into a 4-some so that his hand can accidentally slip and carress DJ Ross' naked arse half way through.

Littlest Hobo Denman has wound up staying with his Prison Bitch Tony, but it turns out that PBT's missis isn't too happy having Denman round so that he has to move on again. Denman tries to get PBTony to invest in some dodgy scheme but Tony says that it's all over between them and that Denman should just move on and forget about him (kind of). Back at Walford, all the Watts' fuss about where he's gone. Vickney says "Maybe he's annoyed that O-Den is running the club." and Shazza, who apparently has turned blind and stupid since last week, says "What makes you think that?". Umm, the fact that he's done a bunk, perhaps. Anyway they keep ringing him and Denman ignores them. He chats up some fiesty waitress at the greasy caff where he was chatting to Tony and they end up having a snog behind a skip. Nice. Waitress notices that he is ignoring his phone and tells him to come back when he has worked out why he still hasn't found what he's looking for, where the streets have no name etc etc. Denman is touched by her penetrating waitress wisdom and looks "thoughtful". Later on he is sitting in a park when Dot suddenly appears and says that O-Den loves him really but can't show it. It's a nice scene but how does Dot know all this? It would have been more believable if a pixie or a magic squirrel had told him instead. At the club DJ Ross is DJing (and he doesn't play Panjabi MC, thank fuck) and Shazza is harrassed by three drunken salarymen. O-Den tells them to leave off but it looks like there's going to be a fight! Oh no, how will the Watts prevail? Suddenly Denman appears and helps beat up the salarymen. Him and O-Den exchange macho monosyllables at the door and glare at each other semi-affectionately. Bless.