SQUEAKY VERSUS MELONS

Denman and shazza run around looking for Vickney. Denman is still clutching his ribs; it's as bad as when simpleton was preggers and carressed her belly every goddamn second. Anyway, they can't find her and worry that she has gone looking for O-Den but then they find Den's address in Denman's notebook and decide that she can't have gone - perhaps assuming that Vickney is incapable of reading or writing by herself. Vickney phones Backstreet and says that she is OK but doesn't say where she is. Backstreet tells Shazza. shazza talks to Dot and Dot says that Denman and Vickney are drawn to Den because of their blood, as though they are mating salmon or eels or something. Shazza pulls a mad face and runs away and then starts whining on about being adopted. Whatever. In the end Denman and shazza sit by the notebook and talk. Shazza asks Denman to tell her everything about O-Den.

Dot watches Yolande wandering around and mutters that she's no better than she ought to be and nothing more than a common whore. Yolande wants to get to know people so TriniDad invites Jim round for lunch. Dot says that she's going too so we get to compare and contrast Yolande trying on a flowery tropical dress and Dot wondering which hessian cassock to wear for the occassion.

Martin tries to smuggle his floozy out of the house but Poline catches them and makes the floozy stay for lunch.

Fill decides that Squeaky really has recovered and discusses going on honeymoon with Kyert. Squeaky goes and shoots more melons with Hitman. She says that Fill thinks that she is over it but she never got over it and got clever instead. LOL at the thought of Squeaky being clever. Squeaky can now hit a melon from 50 paces. Die melon! Die!

Shirley is so sleep deprived that she is late for work and keeps messing up bets. Her smarmy arsehole manager is mean to her. At home, Gavin and his uncouth pals mock her and make cat noises outside her door. Later they invite her to watch a porn film with them and shirley runs back into her flat and clutches her head dementedly. Maybe she will go on a bloody revenge spree a la "Ms 45" or "I Spit on Your Grave."

I think it is pretty telling that whenever Backstreet has to look after Ethel 2.0 that she manages to outwit him by, like, turning a corner or walking a few steps away whilst Backstreet is distracted by some shiny object. Fool and Backstreet flap around about going to Brighton as though they are actually going on holiday to Venus rather than an hour's train ride away. Slutty is still trapped between a Moon and New York City. I know it's crazy but it's true! She tries to talk to Fool about going to New York and he shuffles his feet and acts all wounded. Jesus, I am so bored of this plot. Slutty is practically saying "forbid me going out with andy, pleeeeese!" and Fool is practically bursting into tears whenever slutty says she is going out with andy and yet they still supposedly don't realise that they like each other. I like the actors and I like the characters and yet this crapulous writing makes me want to see them both die in a freak fiery inferno or something. Anyway, it looks like Slutty is going to New York where she will have the sex with Mr Byrite. Fool is sad.