BOOTS IS MISSING
Fill is cross about Squeaky's return and her new, hard-faced blonde hairstyle. Kyert reminds him that he was utterly horrible to Squeaky and she doesn't think she wants to adopt Mini Fill with all this going on. Fill gets crosser and goes off to see Marcus the Most Versatile Lawyer in the World.

Meanwhile Squeaky is trying to put her eyeliner on straight and failing dismally. She keeps smirking to herself in private moments, like she's got a big secret that we're all going to find out about by the end of the week.

M-Martin is vile and ghastly to all and sundry. Gay Pike tells him he can't have any money until he works off his debt to society and Gay Pike. Even Moomin's special powers fail to make him less evil. Mr P says that if he had to come home from prison to Gay Pike and Poline, he'd be doing his best to get banged up again.

Squeaky goes over to see Moomin. They bond and Moomin tells her the news (just read the blog, Squeaky). Squeaky is upset about Jaymee, but she doesn't ask why, if Moomin has two not-bad A-levels, is she working as a healthcare assistant and not doing a nursing course.

Ethel 2.0: still dotty. Fool and Backstreet are sad.

Finding that sending unimaginative gifts does nothing to stimulate Slutty's interest, Byrite Andy decides to stalk her family instead. He pays Drippy a small fortune to clean his gangster gaff in Chigwell or wherever. Drippy is happy. Slutty says he's a creepy stalker and should be shot. Alfie adopts the kicked labrador expression. My mum goes: "Aaaah".

The missing cat saga continues. Shirley distributes missing cat posters around the Square and gets lots of strange advice from Jim. Evil Neighbour looks on, evilly. We discover that he is the new manager of the video shop (wasn't that Robbie's old job?) and he refuses to put up the Missing Adorable Cat poster, telling Shirley that there's no point because the cat's probably dead anyway. Shirley goes running to Dadvis, cries on his shoulder and tells him that Evil Neighbour has killed her cat for sure.

Dadvis marches over to the pub, where he finds Evil Neighbour enjoying a quiet pint. Dadvis gets all macho and embarrassing on Evil Neighbour's ass, and then Drippy walks in, carrying the cat. The cat must have been drugged, because any feline worth its collar would be biting, scratching, yowling and generally ripping the flesh off Shirley's shoulder, but this one just sits in her arms and looks slightly pissed-off (but still adorable). Dadvis looks embarrassed.

M-Martin is still sulking. Suddenly a young blond boy pushes past him, rushes in front of a car and is knocked over. Jaymee Flashback-o-Rama! Moomin swings into action, using her Moomin powers to stop the victim from dying before the ambulance reaches him. She cadges a lift into work with the ambulance drivers, and waits anxiously in the corridors while doctors prod and poke and use the machine that goes ping on the blond kid.

Nobody bothers with M-Martin's Jaymee Flashback, so he steals some money from Poline and goes clubbing with Asif.

Fill returns from his meeting with Dodgy Marcus in an even worse mood. Dodgy Marcus says he hasn't got a legal leg to stand on and the best thing to do is talk to Squeaky. As if by magic, Squeaky appears at the door. She does the Nice Ex-Girlfriend From Hell Act on Kyert, who is quickly despatched upstairs to make sure Mini Fill doesn't disappear magically while Squeaky is downstairs. Squeaky's hair is starting to curl at the ends, but she manages not to squeak at all during Fill's usual verbal onslaught. He threatens to call the police; she says: "Hmmm...set against your subsequent crimes of perjury, kidnap, aggravated assault...go on then. This'll be interesting". Go Squeaky! Fill huffs and puffs and fails to blow Squeaky's little playhouse down, and she leaves with her secret little smile still intact.