NANA GONE CRAZY
Ethel 2.0's craziness continues. She seems OK to Fool and Backstreet, until she confuses going to the doctor's with going on holiday and emerges from her bedroom in a fur coat, hat and suitcase full of tinned pilchards. She insists that she's perfectly well, and she won't go to the doctor. Fool invites Dr Boden-Shirt over, and he gives her the "are you ga-ga" questionnaire while she turns into my Great Auntie Minna - "ooh...you cheeky thing...Are you asking me out, young man?"...etc. Dr Boden-Shirt breaks the news to Fool and Backstreet that he doesn't know if she's truly senile or not, and she'll have to go to a specialist. Ethel overhears this and thinks they're going to put her in a home. She throws a wobbler (having waited until the nice doctor has left so he can't section her), and locks herself in the bathroom. Fool spends the rest of the episode sobbing outside the bathroom door (thousands of women up and down the country come over all unnecessary) and pleading with her to open up, and promising not to put her in a home (nonsense! she'll have a lovely time - running feuds with other old ladies, chatting up the few remaining old men...my nan loved it).

Shane does the whole thing very well, and even I'm tempted to give him a hug. For about three seconds, and then I remembered it's Shane Richie we're talking about here...

New Look Squeaky is wearing a cream linen suit today that bunches up around her rack and makes her look short. Fill whisks Mini-Fill away from Squeaky when they bump into her outside the Kwik-E-Mart, but Squeaky's cleverer than Fill. She convinces Kyert that she's neither bitter nor angry, and all she wants to do is see Mini Fill. Kyert works on Fill, who realises that she's making him look like the paranoid weirdo, not Squeaky, and agrees to a supervised hour of access time. Whoopdedoo. Squeaky smiles winningly and thanks him. Fill looks sick as his brain cell goes into paranoid overdrive.

Today's stalkee is Charlie Slater. Byrite Andy gets him to take him to Southend and back for a stick of rock and £300. There's a non-comedy sub-joke about Big Mo's shelf coming off the wall (go to fucking IKEA, woman). Byrite Andy meets the entire Slater family in the pub, presents the stick of rock to Slutty, who tells him he's a creepy stalker and to leave her alone. The other Slaters look confused. Byrite Andy gives her a kicked pitbull look and leaves.

Shirley apologises to Dadvis, and to Evil Neighbour, who is ungracious. Later, she makes a phone call, and sticks cotton wool in her ears to drown out the Dadrock nonsense coming through the ceiling. Then Evil Neighbour takes the torture to new levels and plays Coldplay on 11. Noooooooooooo!!! Shirley calls the council, and a man with a microphone comes over to stand in the middle of the living room, monitoring Chris Martin's ceaseless whining and shaking his head disapprovingly.

Moomin finds Blond Victim's girlfriend standing at the crash spot, looking moony and muttering about how she can't cope. Moomin powers activate! She convinces Girlfriend to go back to the hospital and sing Glaswegian street songs to Blond Victim until he makes a miracle recovery. Moomin is happy. Blond Victim looks scared.