SQUEAK OF THE DEVIL

This is mainly the all wedding, all day extravaganza but it also turns out that shirley's adorable fluffy cat has gone missing. NOOOOOOOO!!!!! she asks Bad Meighbour Bloke if he has seen the cat and he starts rambling on about how it is the sort of cat a witch might have. Umm, okayyy Crucible Boy.

Victorian Dad comes back from the police station all smug that he could have grassed up Billy for smacking him. He barges into where Kyert is getting ready and says "Fill's a crim, why aye, mon!" Kyert: "like, duh!" Vic-Dad starts ranting on about how can Kyert leave "the Force" (Kyert is a jedi knight? when did that happen?) for a thug like Fill. Kyert reminds vic-Dad that he himself was booted from copville for beating up a suspect. Vic Dad makes angry faces and runs away or something.

It turns out that Minty is stranded in Edinburgh so Billy is roped in to be the best man. His pinched little face all lights up. They have to break into the B&B to get all the rings and stuff. Kyert is all upset but Toothy Friend cheers her up and they get ready. Kyert wears an ivory halter topped dress thing but they only ever show her from the tits up so you never get a good look at it. Also her hair is in a giant bun. At the registry office, desperate needy Kyert makes them pretend to get married before the registrar shows up.

Ethel 2.0 continues to be mad and runs around telling everyone that she is going to get married. minty reappears (having teleported from edinburgh, apparently) and spots Ethel acting all crazy. Fool is mortified that his family secret is out but Minty is all sympathetic as his own mum also had alzheimers and gives advice etc.

Vic-dad reappears and says mean things and then runs away. Kyert wants to go after him but Fill goes instead and tracks him down to a pub. He says "dude, you're an alcoholic, we have something in common after all" and starts to set Vic-dad onto the first of his twelve steps. what is this? Ugly Bald Bloke Counselling Day? Kyert appears just in time to see them shaking hands. Retch. Vic-dad says to Kyert that he's leaving and that he'll probably have to commit suicide now that he has no job, pension, family or freinds. Bye then. As he leaves in one cab, a lady in pointy high heel shoes gets out of another cab. Who could it be?

Ethel 2.0 burns all her hats in the oven. At the reception Minty is reinstated as best man but then Billy gives the (boring, unfunny) speech anyway as Minty is all unprepared. Kyert tells Fill that she will adopt Mini-fill after all. Kyert throws her bouquet and then everyone freezes in horror. It has been caught by Squeaky, back from the dead!!!! Dun dun dunnnnn! Squeaky is wearing a snazzy suit and has finally found a conditioner for damaged, over processed hair. "Aren't I lucky" she simpers squeakily as everyone stares at her in shock. Arse! I am out of the country next week!