A LITTLE PEACE
That's all Shirley wants. But Gavin the neighbour sneers and is horrid about her using the hoover during daylight hours. He gets a visit from the council noise people and is cross with Shirley. Boo! Hiss!

M-Martin continues to be a baaad mofo, sloping off the stall as soon as Gay Pike's back is turned, stealing the takings and lying to his mother. Yawn...sticky end...yawn....

Slutty gets tickets to the ballet from her stalker of the day, Byrite Andy. She mutters some more about not being up for sale or something, and Mo suddenly remembers that she and Charlie are members of the Darcey Bussell fan club. I mean, the ballet? How desperate are you, EE scriptwriters?

DJ Ross tries to get into Teen's knickers. Teen remembers her near-ho experience and puts him off. DJ Ross is sad. And frustrated.

Derek decides to own up about his reefer madness conviction after he finds out that he beat Ash to the part-time drama teacher's job. The community centre bloke consults with Ash, but finds out that his ideas are too "radical" (like what, a full run of the complete works of Edward Bond, followed by Peter Brook-style orgies in the market at Christmas?). Gay Pike gets to keep the job.

Wedding from Hell update: Babs aint coming back from Rio for the wedding. Fill is cross. Bridezilla discovers that her alcoholic ex police chief father is on his way to meet his East End gangster son-in-law. Fill meets up with Sonia at Jaymee's Graveside of Truth, and Sonia (permanently in her Nursing Assistant's uniform these days) dispenses Moomin advice. Oh, and Fill asks Bridezilla to consider adopting Mini-Fill...