DEN OR ALIVE?

Looks like we are in for a week of filler before Original Den comes back. Ho well...

The Bealemeister returns! He sees that the Meal Machine is for sale and tries to get a loan from the bank to buy it (I am guessing they say "What do you think, Recently Bankrupt Boy?") He hears that Pat has just got her £30k from Bazza and tries to butter her up. She listens to him wibbling on about cash flow projections for a bit and then also tells him to get lost. Ian is sad.

Byrite Andy goes to Sullen for advice to win Slutty's fickle heart. Sullen says "Boss her around." OK, that was totally random and unsupported by any previous episodes but whatever. Andy stomps round to the Vic and orders Slutty to come to dinner with him - she stares at Fool, all torn between two lovers etc but he says that it's OK. Over dinner Andy invites her to New York city, baby.

Yolande does loads of cleaning etc so Trini-dad and Bad Brutha think they are sorted. She goes to the laundrette and alienates Dot with her happy-go-lucky Carribean ways. Then she goes back to the B&B and makes TD and BB do loads of housework. Go Yolande!

Shirley is still terrorised by loud indie rawk. She chats to Ash a bit and falls asleep in the caff.

Kyert nags at Fill for smacking Shazz. She says he has to apologise and narrows her eyes as if to suggest that he won't be getting any geordie lovin' until he does.
Fill keeps snubbing Squeaky and so Kyert nags him about that as well. Meanwhile Squeaky suggestively fondles her gun and smiles evilly. Hitman says she has to take her time and be nice to Fill so that no-one suspects her. Squeaky runs outside and starts defending Fill whenever anyone says that he was a Bad Man for hitting Shazz.

Shazz, who is doing an awful lot of acting with her lower jaw these days, hoovers aggressively so as to avoid talking to Denman. Den wanders round clutching at his poor broken ribsies and displaying his felt-tipped-on wounds to the world. They argue about whether Original Den is still alive and then shazza stomps off and Den throws his dinner at the wall. It is overacting-a-go-go. Shazza goes to the laundry and Dot gives her a cup of tea and tells her that Denman is a good boy really. Shazz goes back and patronises Den (harsh) saying that he wants to invent a daddy because he was an orphan and had to clean Mad Frankies pool in a gay porn film stylee. Denman says "I'm not mad, you are!" Shazza goes on about O-Den is just a name to Denman and vickney but he is a real person to Shazza and that she nearly topped herself when he died etc etc. She says "Let's not tell Vickney that O-den is alive" and of course Vickney, with her new 12-year-old-boy-hair and worse-accent-than-before overhears and says "Is O-Den alive?" Shazza: "No!" Denman: "Yes!" Shazza: "Dohhhhh!"