JOHNNY MORONIC
Fool goes to beg the Market Inspector for his pitch back while Lee and Curly go home. Ethel 2.0 is acting more doddery and confused than normal and eventually Lee and curly discover that White Van Diesel stole her pension money, her wedding ring and gave her a really bad chinese burn. Ethel witlessly says that White Van said he wanted to give a message to the Moons but that he didn't actually leave a message. Lee and curly go "grrr" and Curly instantly wants to run around and beat up Byrite, on account of how is so hot tempered and impetuous and what not. Lee says they should wait and phones Tony Bennet looking gangsta Johnny so he can sort it out. When Fool finds out he is cross and wants Lee and Curly to leave but then Tony Bennet shows up to find out what is going on. He gives Ethel 2.0 some cash to replace the pension money and some flowers, the old smoothy, and says they all have to come and sort things out with Byrite. At least the shit gangsta plots seem to be based more on the Sopranos than Snatch, these days.

Teen has moved back into the Slaters, like that is going to help her mental state. Everyone stomps around saying they will help her raise the Phantom Baby and that they will give Denman what for, etc. Teen is sad. When Dot finds out from Jojo, she goes round to commiserate. Drippy comes round and says that everything will seem better when Teen experiences the Miracle of Birth. Teen is about to say that there is no baby when Mo interrupts by coming in with a bit of fencing. God Mo, this isn't Ground Force.

LadyDen is playing it: revenge = dish best served cold. Either that or she just hasn't found a rusty, blunt enough pair of scissors yet. She pulls hacky/tragic faces and says she is in a funny mood whenever O-Den tries to touch her. They get a letter from Shazza saying she has sold the club and will be sending them their shares shortly. Ladyden innocently says she will put the money and her nail bar money into the Vic so they can be equal partners. O-Den agrees. Later on LadyDen looks at some Important Papers and makes calculating faces. O-Den says he is going to visit Teen and LadyDen makes a super hacky face. Teen is not best pleased to see her dadfriend and tells him to fuck off. O-Den says he is worried about her and Teen says he is just worried about LadyDen finding out. O-Den says that Teen ought to be worried about LadyDen finding out too - unless she fancies wearing a hat for the next six months.

At the shop, JoJo is still an evil pixie. Trinidad is still whinging about Bad Brutha and Yolnade is still being impatient. Trinidad goes for a drink with Jim and whinges some more. Lots of people have said they are touched by Trinidad going "boo hoo, I'm looking for my son!" for ten minutes at a stretch. I am not one of those people.

It is the day of Billy's visit to see Evil Rapist Graham. He spends the whole time avoiding Drippy, even though she plans a fancy lunch for them. He says he is really busy at the video shop, even though he has a new Silent Assistant. Also, if he worked that hard of the shop he would have taken down the poster for Blue Crush: surfing film dud of yesteryear. He gets A-Garry to lie for him and nips off to the prison. Meanwhile Drippy has laid an entire lunch out on the table, including desert. Do people really ever do that outside of adverts for Iceland? when Billy never shows up she takes the cake round to cheer up Ethel 2.0. Her and Fool nearly kiss again and Fool is wearing a horrid jumper.

At HM Lakeland Plastics Prison, it is visiting time and the yellow rounders sashes get another outing. Billy glares at Graham. Graham says that he isn't paying any child support so that Billy can just forget it. Billy says he is just there to mock and gloat etc. Graham says he is a having a nice time and that he is very popular in prison. I bet he is, with that pretty mouth. Mental midget Billy soon betrays his true feelings and Graham starts with the "He'll look forward to meeting his real dad! Step dads are rubbish! etc" routine. Billy runs away and cries, probably.

It looks like Byrite and Quentin have spent the night together. They go to the bookies and are underjoyed to see all the Moon men and Tony Bennet waiting for them. They all argue and bicker and Tony says that Byrite has to get Ethel's wedding ring back and that everyone has to behave in future, or else Tony will bang their heads together and make them sit in a corner. During all this, Trinidad shows up and puts on his grief-a-palooza AGAIN. Jim drags him away and the Moons follow. Tony Bennet accuses Byrite of being a rubbish gangsta and of losing control of his so-called turf. He asks what happend to Bad Brutha and Byrite says "Oh, he just got mixed up in something to big for him and was mysteriously murdered." Tony: "Oh, so he was murdered? How do you know?" Byrite: "Doh!" Later on, Tony phones someone on his mobile and says that it's about time Bad Brutha showed up again - but I doubt he means as a zombie or ghost or anything. Unfortunately.