BAPTISM OF DIRE
It is the day of Freddie's christening. There had better not be any drama or Rev Villa will shoot everyone with a raygun made of washing-up liquid bottles and sticky-back plastic. The Slaters all flap around and get ready. Charlie exposits that he has bought a new cab (with what money exactly?) and will be dispensing vigilante justice from tomorrow! Billy is being over-organised and a bit weird. They send Jojo round to the pub with the x-ening cake. She is wearing a fur waistcoat - very stylish, Wilma Flintstone - and of course she drops it. She teams up with Demi and Dumber to try and steal one from the Kwik-E-Mart. It turns out that the DoleScums have no money to buy food as Dolescum Keef spent it all on a Freeview box - hope you like watching home shopping channels and Usher videos, Keef. Unsurprisingly, Yolande spots them and catches Jojo. JoJo turns on the waterworks so Yolande helps her sort out a new cake and then says that JoJo has to work for her in the shop to make up for it - hmm, this storyline has potential.

PantoJane and Ian are on catering patrol. Sham is "covering" in the caff and burns stuff, so Curly helps her and letches over her ass. Sham makes a wacky face. OH MY GOD!!! Lee has changed his jacket!!! He tells Fool that him and Curly will get him his stock for the market stall to make up for being Bad Seeds or something.

Dot and Jim are arguing about religion or something . Wake me up when they have a thirty year war or an excommunication. Demi and Dumber go into the Vic and steal x-ening catered snacks to live on for the next week til their Dole comes through.

Teen lurks in the toilet and tries not to think of O-Den's cold dead hands clutching at her bootay. Denman thinks she has morning sickness and says she should stay at home, but Teen grabs her trusty pink coat and runs off for the church. The x-ening all goes as planned. Half the people in the church are super-obvious extras who have never been seen before and will never be seen again. Watch as they overact and try and scene-steal during the hymn singing part. Billy overhears Drippy telling Teen that nothing will matter when the baby arrives and that she will love the baybay more than anything. He makes a pissy face. Shut up, Billy. Back at the Square, Teen corners O-Den in the basement and says that she is sick of the Blackmail and the Lies and that O-Den is just an old perv. She says that he has more to lose than her so he ought to just go and tell everyone and be done with it. O-Den bulges his eyes and then goes and tells Denman that Teen is moaning that Denman is a bad boyfriend. Denman goes to Teen and says "How could you do it with O-Den." Teen is thinking "The jig, it is up!" before she realises what is going on. Denman says that she can talk to him about anything and that she shouldn't have to run to O-Den all the time.

At the Vic, Fool finds Billy lurking in the bogs cruising for trade (not really - he's just lurking.) Billy is all angry and starts going on about Evil Rapist Graham and how the rape took place in that very pub etc etc. Fool looks a bit bored (as do we all) and then basically tells him to get over it and move on, etc. billy goes into the bar to give a speech and starts borderline ranting before getting his shit together and returning to safe christening speech ground. Fool and Drippy look relieved. Later on though, Billy stomps off and goes marching away down the street. Fool runs after him, but to no avail. Perhaps Billy is going to look for a ladder so he can climb up it and GET OVER HIMSELF.

Teen asks to see O-Den upstairs - oo, risky - and says that she is sorry and that she didn't mean to say all those harsh true things earlier. O-Den forgives her and says he is just trying to help, seeing as how she is supposed to be 2 months along and has a completely child-free womb. Two months? There's no way you can cover for that length of time. Give it up already or fake a miscarraige. Teen shrugs and indicates the bed. Nooooooo!