I'D RATHER JACK

by Mark

I set the video for this but missed it anyway thanks to the messed up,
sports crazy schedules, so I am afraid it is back to the BBC website…

Moomin and Martin start to feast on Jack's still warm flesh. Only
joking, they are sad that he died a pitiful lonely death and call the
authorities. At least he was touched by a Moomin before he went. They
go and tell people in the Vic and everyone is sad and has a toast,
even though Jack patently didn't exist until a few weeks ago. It is
like that episode of Buffy when Dawn first appeared and everyone
thought she had been there forever – at least that was a fantasy show
and they could blame it on MAGIC. What's your excuse EE? Eh? eh?

Everyone is still moaning about the charity cash robbery and it the
front page story on the walford gazette and probably has a special
pull out supplement devoted to it too.. As someone who lives in inner
city London I think there are probably worse crimes going on in
Walford every day but anyway…

Zoe goes into the living room, her massive shoulders straining to
escape from one of Denman's shirts. Shazza is shocked to see her and
probably pulls one those faces. She tries to run away but Teen makes
her sit and have a drink and starts acting all matey. Hey Teen, here
is some salt to rub into Shazza's open wounds too. Teen starts giving
Shazza the third degree about Denman and Shazza lies and says that
Denman meant nothing to her! Nothing! Denman comes in and starts
macking on Teen on purpose and Shazza runs away to cry the bitter
tears of the frustrated crypto-sister.

Mainly it is all about Juley and his shockingly callous crime. Yolande
tells Gus that he has done the right thing (though a slightly more
sensible thing would have been for Gus to talk to his own invisible
family). Trini-Dad goes round and accuses Juley of being the thief.
Juley denies it and so Trinidad reveals the Tell Tale Bucket – Juley
didn't even put the cash in a less suspicious container? He is the
worse criminal ever (and thus should join Byrites crime syndicate
forthwith!) apparently Juley "sneers at Trinidad's old time values"
and is "furious at Gus for grassing him up". Juley acts like he
doesn't care but then tries to sneak the bucket back to Poline's
anyway. Poline catches him at it and nearly kills him with a frying
pan (when her cooking would be a much deadlier weapon). Juley lies and
says he recovered the cash from some local scallies down the arcade.
Poline says he is a hero (and possibly, also, the wind beneath her
wings) and drags him to the Vic to buy him a drink. Everyone else
thinks he is a hero too and Juley feels bad (in a similar way to how
Billy felt when he rescued Vickney from the fire he started – way to
recycle plots, EE). Gus is pissed off and chases after Juley but Juley
ignores him.