GARRRY'S LAMENT
LadyDen, queen of TMI, comes into work wittering on about how O-Den loved her long time over the weekend. Kyert claps her hand over her mouth, turns green and runs off to tend to Ian. Ian sits down as soon as she she gets in and turns back into Davros. Kyert has made lots of plans for Bobby's first birthday partay - strippers, coke, the lot - and offers to clean the house, fix the gutters, wet nurse Bobby etc etc etc and then wheels Ian over to the Caff. Once she has gone, Ian confides to PantoJane that he is only pretending to be crippled so he can carry on seeing Kyert every day (btw, these are the smooth moves that landed Ian such EE uber-foxes as Cindy, Mel and, errmm, Simpleton...). PantoJane banters annoyingly. Ian stands up to have a stretch and of course Kyert walks in at that second. What are the chances, eh? "I feel deceived and betrayed" she squeals and runs away. Ian goes and apologises and Kyert forgives him after 5 seconds. Sucker. Ian goes and discusses with Jane whether or not Kyert still likes him in a special way. Jane suggests that he asks her out again - "girls like it when blokes don't take no for an answer," she says inaccurately.
 
Non-comedy a-go go re Rainman being a shit landlord and putting red wine in the fridge etc. Slutty and Fool come back from their holiday. Slutty took the opportunity to get her hair cut in the Lake District, as you do. Charlie says "Did I please you, Master? did I? did I?" Slutty and Fool observe the chaos around them and say "yes yes" whilst rolling their eyes a lot.  
 
Fucking Byrite and his Smug Queen Sham tell Minty that there will be changes aplenty at the Arches. Minty makes gurny faces. Some new camp dwarf Steve Owen looking bloke turns up - it turns out that he is the manager of the video shop and says annoying things like "This is a temple of celluloid" etc. Oh fuck off. Anyway, he is a long time friend of Minty (that we have never seen before) and offers Minty the video shop manager job but Minty says no for now and suggest that Billy apply for the job instead. Billy has a non comedy interview where he says that Porky's is his fave film evah. Meanwhile Minty finds Byrite discussing crime with Juley at the Arches and has a stroppy fit. Minty confronts Byrite and they have an annoying scene. Oh, I just don't care - someone shoot Byrite now! Please! He tries to tell Sham, but she says "Look, I'm not going to shag you so shut up."  Minty accepts the video shop job after all. Billy feels betrayed.
 
AGarry has taken to sitting up all night, has stopped shaving and has also topped up his tan. The tan/stubble/suicidal despair combo are looking pretty good. Oh god, did I just say that AGarry was good looking? It has finally happened - watching this programe has driven me insane. Next morning, Sullen phones up Mo (incidentally, we are treated to many examples of Mo's shit non-acting in this episode) to check that the divorce papers have come through. A-Garry grabs the phone and shouts "Sullen! sullen! I love yooooo!" but Sullen hangs up, the frosty bitch. A-Garry reads the divorce papers and is sad. He goes to the Arches and sleepwalks through his job, obsessively tinkering with the classic car Sullen-substitute (aka Turbo-Sullen). He has a hilarious scene where he is lasciviously fondling Turbo Sullen and notices a little scratch on the paintwork. He tries to wipe it off but makes it hella worse and starts gibbering and freaking out. I feel very bad for Ricky Groves that he has to have a nervous breakdown to a car, even though the car is probably a better actress than "troubled" Elaine Lourdan. Anyway, he grabs a can of mismatched paint and sprays the shit out of the car. It now looks even worse so he collapses and weeps, weeps for his grumpy long lost missis! Eventually he pulls himself together, shuts the Arches doors, starts the engine and prepares to succumb to Turbo-Sullen's smokey embrace. Don't do it Garry! She isn't worth it!