LOCK UP GRANDPA! PAT'S BACK
So anyway, I missed the first bit, but according to the official site, Kyert "probes" LadyDen about the money situation and finds out that the Dens are loaded, with money to throw around all over the place...or something. Kyert wants the truth, ODen, the truth!

LadyDen skips off home to change into a vile fuschia thing with ruffles that doesn't do her boob job any favours. Vickney is sulking about her crappy "job" in the living room, but after a moment of mild existential angst, gets her sewing box out to fix LadyDen's outfit as best she can. LadyDen says of her slightly better-fitting but still vile outfit: "you're good at this. You should go to college and learn proper sewing." Vickney's all: "college? Me? oooh no...teen muppets don't go to college..." LadyDen waves her fairy wand and turns Vickney into a pumpkin - no she doesn't. She persuades Vickney to apply to Fashion Designer College. Didn't Biancaaa go to Fashion Designer College too? Heaven forfend that any EE girl would want to be, say, a multimedia designer or lawyer, eh? They can only go to Fashion Designer college, do nursing, paint nails,work in the caff or become Gangsta Barbies ....mumble...thirty-five years of feminism....mumble.
 
Back to ODen and Kyert. Amazingly, the club is shut during a weekday, so they get lots of time to stomp up and down the bar discussing what passes for a relationship in Kyert World. Kyert wants The Truth. ODen says You Can't Handle The Truth. That's true, actually. The truth is Kyert, you're shagging a man about a year off getting his Freedom pass, and he happens to be married. ODen says he likes his family and while they're not even sure about LadyDen, but they definitely won't like Kyert. Kyert mentions her offer from Ian. ODen laughs. Kyert says she'll tell LadyDen. ODen says go ahead, make her day and reminds her that she's got few enough friends already.
 
Meanwhile, Ian tells Thighsmacking Jane about his love for Kyert. TJane thinks he's a lovely bloke. No, hang on a minute love...have you heard what happens to women who marry Ian? First they try to kill him, then he dumps them, takes their children and they die. Or he dumps them, they die, and he takes their children. Either way it's a highway to hell, girl. Get out while you can. Jane wheels him through the market and they have jolly japes in the wheelchair. Ah me, you can hear the funeral bells tolling already, can't you? Do EE actors get a bonus every time their characters get hitched, I wonder?
 
LadyDen decides to nick a bottle of champagne from the club, and fails to notice that ODen and Kyert are snogging in the corner. Kyert is cross because ODen won't take her seriously, so she goes home to Singles Central to watch comedy re-runs on her posh TV. Alone. She calls LadyDen, but chickens out of telling her about her cheating husband when LadyDen witters on about Den being lovably useless.
 
ODen bumps intro Pat, who appears to be giving her Byrite money to out-of-season Santa's elves for making her outfits out of recycled wrapping paper. Pat says she's done up like a Christmas cracker, and offers ODen a pull. ODen runs back to Kyert's and apparently she's "powerless to resist his charms" (© BBC site). Ew.