THE LAST TEMPTATION OF PAT
Dot has got to see a specialist. Jim thinks she is a hypochondriac and Poline is too busy gibbering on about Ian to pay attention to Dot's obvious cries for help so she doesn't tell anyone. Dot tells Doktor Boden-Shirt that there is one person who could go with her - go go gadget Denman!

Pat poignantly fingers an ugly gold jacket that looks like part of a lunar landing module and moans that she has no money. She goes to see Byrite about the job and he acts like a dick, pretending he had forgotten about it and then saying he will give her a day's trial. He throws piles of money around and then carelessly shoves it in a drawer. Pat looks "conflicted". Later on Byrite asks her to make him a coffee. He explains that the "Mellow Bird" jar is in the drawer with all the lovely lovely money and makes a mad face to show that he has constructed a fiendish trap for Pat. Pat poignantly fingers a £50 note and looks "conflicted". Again. Byrite comes back later and the money is gone. Gasp! (only not - because we weren't born yesterday). It turns out that Pat has locked it away safely, is good at her job, is happy to fiddle the books for him and also earned him money by tipping a horse called "Gold Laydee" which won (my eyes, they did roll - it's a good job there weren't other horses in the race called "Leopardskin Velour" or "Huge Fucking Earrings" or anything or she would have been spoiled for choice) Anyway, Byrite is pleased - he offers her the job and gives her about £300 cash - not bad for a day's work.

Ian is still making like Davros so he can boss Kyert around but then Poline comes round and cuts up cheese on toast for him. This isn't so much fun so he goes down to the caff to annoy Jane. He moans that she is buying fancy "herb sausages" and fancy "herbal tea" etc - catering college was wasted on him. Jane nips out for plot reasons and Ian inexplicably throws a greasy rag at a bottle of parrafin that is inexplicably sat by the hob - there is a small fire and Ian gimps around in his wheelchair a bit before Jane comes back and puts it out and burns herself a bit. Ian looks guilty. Later on Jane goes out again for a different plot reason and when she gets back this time Ian is standing up eating a sausage. Let's get this straight - he would sit there and pretend to be paralysed when he might burn to death but is prepared to stand up in order to eat a reclaimed meat snack???? Someone didn't really think that through. Anyway, Jane makes a mean face and Ian looks busted (but not like Busted, not even the really minging one).

There is a bizarre non-comedy subplot where people try and make the sour faced girl in the Kwik-e-Mart smile at them. Eh? Leave her alone - you'd look sour if you had to wear that green bri-nylon uniform all day.

LadyDen gives Vickney a job at the salon to provide her with pocket money but Vickney fucks off at the first sign of hard work, the cheeky mare. The money for the flat in Spain has come through so Lady- and O-Den decide to go out for a meal to celebrate. Predictably O-Den wants LadyDen to keep quiet about the cash. Kyert makes grumpy faces whenever LadyDen talks about the night of lurve she has planned. Kyert rushes off to shag O-Den in her lunchbreak and moans some more about lying to LadyDen. Den "blah blah, once the money is sorted out, blah blah". Kyert looks sceptical and then succumbs to whatever the fuck it is about O-Den that is supposed to be attractive (???) and snogs the face off him. Later on, LadyDen is prattling away and mentions that they ought to put a treatment room in the salon for "facials" etc and that she could afford to do it herself now that her and O-Den are loaded all of a sudden. Dun dun dunhhh!. Kyert rolls her eyes and makes hacky faces.