HEART TO TART

Yay! Pat is back. Unfortunately she hasn't brought Devil Child Steven back with her (unless he has possessed her or something. Wooo!) and just mopes around reminding everyone that she is sad and alone and trying to show her holiday snaps to complete strangers in the caff. Poor Loser Pat. She has a nice chat with LadyDen and bonds with Jane in the caff. Ian tries to bar Pat but Jane sticks up for her and later, Pat shows Jane how to "keep the books". It turns out that Ian is practically cured of his gimp-ness but is still rocking it Ironside-style for sympathy or because he likes Kyert rubbing his privates with a moist flannel or something.

Den buys a silver heart shaped necklace for Kyert to replace the one she lost from her dad (as opposed to her Dadfriend...). LadyDen finds it and thinks it's for her so Den has to pretend he bought it for Ian to give to Kyert. LadyDen says she is sorry for being jealous and that she now knows that Den is a noble, special man who could never tell a lie. Umm, okay... Hussy Kyert flirts with Den over the phone - and when they get together it's MOIDER! (I had to get a "Hart to Hart" ref in there somewhere...)

Minty pretends to be pleased for Sham so he can keep spying on her and Byrite for Billy. Byrite threatens to drop another car on Minty anyway, because he is bad. A-Garry is now obsessed with doing up an old banger. Charlie says that he can't use the car to replace to Sullen - true, the car is probably more feminine and warm.

Dot: still with the cancer. She tries to talk to Doktor Boden-Shirt (who today looks like he is auditioning for a part in "Guys and Dolls" with his black shirt and white tie) but runs away at the last minute again.

Charlie stops Mo scamming free drinks from the bar. She has another lame scam with Mickney where they want to run some sort of contrived looking horse racing sweepstake thing in the Vic that is based on a video tape of a race. As fucking if. There are plenty of live horse races on telly for people to bet on, you know. Charlie is dubious but they manage to trick him into it. Of course, Mickney and Mo know which order the race is going to come in. TriniDad an Jim also want to cheat to win money but I bet Charlie will use his idiot savant powers to work out all the probabilities and win everything!