WILF TO POWER

This is going to cover Friday and Monday, but before I start I should mention that I saw Minty in real life yesterday! I was in that crappy shopping centre at Angel Islington and there he was! Wearing a naff, oatmeal coloured linen suit, birkenstock type sandal things and trendoid sunglasses - he looked like a German architect or something!

Anyway - Fool is still really obviously flinching and refusing to touch Slutty and, I assume, is also witholding the sex. The big surprise turns out to be a pool table. Boring! When Andy pops round the vic, they mock him and he runs away. Slutty asks fool to roughly take her on the pool table and Fool therefore challenges her to a game of pool. Slutty wins, but is losing the game of love. Or something.

Moomin and Martin moan about the wedding and their interfering rellies. They say that they want to be married but without all the hassle of an actual wedding. It's called "cohabitation" kids - look into it! They catch Dot meddling again, have another stroppy fit and then go and talk about going away to stay with Michelle a bit.

A-Garrry says he can no longer babysit for Ian as it's just too hard, dammit!

LadyDen continues her progression down Bunny Boiler Avenue. She constantly asks where O-Den is going, scans his coat for stray lady hairs, checks his alibis out with Shazza (and catches him out in a LIE) and then starts phoning all the numbers in his diary. she is crazy in love uh-oh uh-oh uh-oh etc. O-Den phones mystery wench and says he has to cool things a bit.

Also it is Vickney's 18th Birthday. O-Den gets her a fancy watch and she has a party in the club. shazza goes into full-on, eye bulging Blonde Mentalist Mode as a) LadyDen cooks a fancy birthday breakfast and "does Vickney's hair" somehow - dude, it is shorter than mine - what exactly can she do to it? which all makes Shazza jealous. Then the tired rotting corpse of crypto incest mister sister/brother loving is exhumed and Denman and Shazza start making cryptic comments and staring meaningfully at each a lot. Denman wants Shazza's permission to bone Teen or something. Teen says she will only give up her bootay to Denman if it isn't a one night stand. Denman kind of agrees. Slutty tells Teen that she is making a mistake with Denman but Teen ignores her. Shazza makes loads of bitchy comments about the whole thing and wobbles her jaw a lot. They have more cryptic conversations that I am totally not interested in and then Shazza decides she fancies Denman after all and goes to tell him but finds Teen slinking round the flat in Denman's shirt, the minx. In the end Shazza says that Teen is a nice girl and Denman can do what he likes and that Shazza will get over him in her own time. She makes a face like she is smiling through the pain or crying on the inside or something. I know how you feel, love.

Pat says she will use her super book keeping powers to convince the bank that the Ferrieraz can afford to stay in the house. Go Pat! Meanwhile Scalliq and DJ Ross change all the house numbers round to confuse the bailiffs under cover of Gus and Juley playing 5 a side with some Blazing Squad look-a-likeys. Flip reverse it, boys! What did that even mean?

In further Pat action, now that she no longer has Juhneen, Simpleton or Bobby to obsess about, she has taken to pining outside the car lot and fingering her ring (oo er missis, etc). Tink stops by and says that he will buy the car lot and let Pat manage it! Pat is delighted! Don't trust him Pat, he is like Max Von Sydow in Stephen King's Needful Things!

Two weddings in two weeks? When I were a lad a soap wedding was a special occassion! Desperation much? EE writers? Anyhoo, Tink and Ethel 2.0 are getting all excited about their wedding. Fool asks where Tink is taking Ethel on honeymoon and Tink is all "A who's in the what now?" Fool explains that Ethel never had a honeymoon before on account of the nazi threat that hung over Europe etc so Tink says "Doh!" and runs around phoning travel agents blah blah. Also he occasionally makes evil faces to himself in the mirror. Ruh roh. In the end he announces to the Entire Vic that he has booked somewhere in the Carribbean. On a bank holiday, shyeah right. Everyone cheers etc. Tink goes upstairs and tears the brochure in half. Evilly.