POLINE VS DOT: ULTIMATE SMACKDOWN
Walford is apparently in some sort of weird media blackspot where they can only get 2 TV channels - tonight everyone is either watching "the football" (though not in the Vic as it is the only pub in the world that doesn't have a big telly in it) or some b/w film about lions. At the Fowlers, Moomin impresses Pike with her Poline-wrangling technique and then goes to Jim'n'Dots to borrow some teabags. Jim and Moomin miss each other. Also she learns that Dot is still in a huff because she moved in with Poline. Moomin makes Poline go round to smooth things over but they just end up having an argument and accusing each other of being satanists or something. Dot says that Poline is a controlling bossyboots and Poline says that Dot is a sore loser. Miaow! Saucer of milk for the ladies in the dingy fake kitchen!

Scalliq tells the others about the Scall-cab concept. They makes faces like "it's so crazy it might just work!". Kareena, Kellay and Backstreet wait around to be interviewed. Kellay appears to have forgotten to put a skirt on. Kareena is wearing a boring suit but then goes home and changes into a risque off the shoulder number. The interviewer comes to see them and interviews in the Vic - that's insane! didn't they have a spare office set anywhere? Also he looks like that TV chef who makes pies out of dead badgers he has scraped up off the side of the M11 slipway (Hugh Thingerly-Whiterrington?) Anyway - the girls are offered jobs and Backstreet isn't. Because he is lame.

LadyDen has to "stock take" and so Den rushes off with Mystery Lady. LadyDen catches him out in a lie again later and makes more hacky faces. Time to move this plot along, methinks.

Slutty and Fool - just the same. Ethel 2.0 overhears Slutty suggesting they seek Counselling (aka "cancelling") and says that she reads a copy of Take A Break magazine when she is down. Thanks for that, Ethel 2.0. Fool goes off to "get some change" and ends up sitting in the caff making sad faces. Are they shooting the 2005 "shane ritchie looking sad and adorable" calendar already? Billy is also in there (I am always surprised to see him and think "Is Billy still in this" when he comes on). They discuss how sad and lonely their lives are. Billy talks about Drippy and how he wishes he had made more of an effort to accept the baybay etc etc and would therefore have better storylines. Fool talks about how couples can get over really bad things and goes home to Slutty and asks to see her upstairs. Slutty's little face lights up (dimly from beneath the many strata of make up) and she rushes up and puts on a brown viscose nighty to celebrate. She is lounging "seductively" on the bed when Fool comes up, starts to open the door and then chickens out and goes to sleep on the couch. Slutty starts to cry and Fool listens to her while a single, perfectly formed tear rolls down one cheek.

Hmm, that was quite well written but it was also quite dull. Bring on the Roller Coaster of Death! Sooner! Sooner!