SHIP OF FOOLS
It's the morning of MMartin and Moomin's phoney wedding. We have to endure more pervy MMartin talk and soppiness before Jim appears at the door. Moomin is cross and stamps her Moomin foot and refuses to listen to Jim's tales of Dolzilla woe. Apparently she's waited so long for this day, that she doesn't want to spoil it now. How long is "long"? Some of us had to wait a whole year, missy, and were glad of it.

Speaking of woe, Slutty tries to mend her slutty ways and turn into the Housewife From Hell to please Fool. Teen points out that he married her for her Sluttiness, not for her ironing skills, and that she should sort him out the way only Slutty can, failing to realise that Slutty's unique talents are what got her into this mess in the first place. Slutty ruins one of Fool's less dreadful shirts - a stripey brown number - in her cleaning frenzy. Fool acts like he couldn't care less. Slutty: sad.

Jim decides to strike at the weaker partner, and gets MMartin on his own. There's a kind-of parallel scene where Poline whinges about not being able to give her own son a good wedding to show him how much she loves him. She couldn't be bothered with the other two, obviously. MMartin looks tormented. Jim then moves on to Moomin, and tells her that he wants to make amends for his racist past, when he refused to give Carol away at her wedding to Alan (blimey, how long ago was that?),and give Moomin a good send-off. Result! Oh no, Moomin asks him to come to Southend register office. When she gets back to the room, however, MMartin says they have to go home because otherwise Dolzilla will make them pay. Moomin: slightly peeved and muttering about marrying MMartin not his mother. Mr P snorted at this point and mumbled something about marrying me, my parents and 8.5% of the population of South Africa.

Teen and Kellay are annoyed at a woman in a pink suit who seems to be replicating an entire QVC segment outside Poline's back gate. Maybe she's a Poxditch performance artist making a commentary on callow modern consumerism. Oh no, she really is flogging diamonique brooches. Classy.

The Ferreiraz decide to let go of the stall and get proper jobs. Yes, let's see the inside of Walford JobCentre for once. Adull realises that he should have stayed in school...no...sorry, I'm losing the will to live.

Perhaps the non-comedy sub-plot can revive us. Oh, maybe not. Mo (her face set in a "My brother's in Harry Potter you know" expression) and Mickney are setting up as naked window cleaners or something. Anyway, Mickney's scared of ladders and gets all upset when Mo leaves him clutching onto the top rung while she runs off to speak to QVC Woman. Touching The Void it ain't.