SHAM PAIN

The "new improved" comments thing went down like a lead balloon so I have added Haloscan comments which are more like the old ones but will hopefully be less shite and crash-y. Comment away, readers!

To the episode... Fool and Slutty are acting all awkwarsd and uncertain after their night of high drama. Fool still won't touch Slutty properly or look her in the eye. Slutty is sad. Tink and Ethel 2.0 pop up and are annoying. Ethel uses her Old Lady Powers to discern that something is up with Fool/Slutty and decides that her and Tink should move out once they are married. Tink makes vile "oldster sex-o-rama" type faces at the prospect. They overhear Kareena moaning in the Vic and decide to buy the Ferriera house once it has been repossessed and all.

Gus looks at the Book of Records and moans that it is all retarded and stupid. Ditto this lame plot. Juley convinces Gus to try for a food scoffing record (even though the Guiness Book etc etc no longer accepts these, as any fule kno) and talks Gus into going for a hot curry eating competition. They do it in the Square without any officials watching or anything. Idiots. Denman keeps time and Julio calls him "Big Man D" about 4 times - how does Juley know that Denman is "big"??? Enquiring minds want to know. Anyway, Gus pukes after a few minutes and Doktor Boden-shirt tells them off for being so stupid, in the style of an overacting James Bond villain.

The PolDot symbiotic hive-mind makes Moomin and Martin attend a meeting with Comedy Vicar to discuss the service. Dot wants a Tristan/Isolde style medieval wedding but Poline doesn't. the 2 M's grit their teeth and exchange banter about whether Moomin has to "obey" Martin (ie. Not). Later on Poldot argue because they have both bought dresses that are the same colour. Moomin flips and yells that they are ruining the wedding for her. Also it turns out that neither Robbie nor Carol Jackson can make it to the wedding. Quelle Surprise! Why not just admit defeat and cast another actress as Carol - this is getting totally ridiculous.

Ian "salt/rub/wound/in" Beale asks A-Garrry to babysit Bobby (who really is a cute kid) for a bit. While A-G is busy, Byrite Andy asks Minty to ring a dodgy motor or something. Minty is reluctant but Byrite says he will get him sacked if he doesn't.
Sham catches Minty at it and Minty tries to fob her off with a lame excuse. Sham says "I'm not totally blonde!" and admits to having picked up some off-camera mechanical knowledge when she was still Daniella Westbrook. When Minty confesses, Sham goes off to yell at Byrite.

Ladyden emotionally blackmails O-Den into coming shopping for birthday clothes for Vickney. Vickney buys some ugly lime green shoes. LadyDen is still suspicious and tries to find out about Mystery Wench from O-Den's mobile phone. O-Den catches her at it. LadyDen makes hacky faces.

Fool arranges a mystery surprise or something over the phone. He wants Slutty to come with him to gloat that Andy's dastardly scheme failed but Slutty doesn't want to . Fool says that that is the least she owes him so Slutty reluctantly agrees. They march into Sham/Andy's gaff and Andy says something like "So, you haven't watched my amateur porn yet?" Fool says "Yes! and it sucked! also me and Slutty are solid as a rock and you are mere pond scum!" Andy calls Fool a fool (shout out?) and says: "How dare you mock me puny mortal, I will get Sham to sack you from the Vic, bwa ha ha ha!" Fool doesn't say that he will tell Sham about Byrite's sexcapades but just goes "Whatever, we'll get a job in some other shitty pub" and gives Andy his tape back. At that moment, Sham shows up - Fool gets her to say that she has no intention of sacking them and then him and Slutty leave. Sham shouts at Byrite for fucking with her business and storms off. Byrite makes mad, loser type faces and settles down to watch the video and maybe knock one off at the wrist. It turns out that Fool gave him a copy of his and Slutty's wedding video instead, the scamp. Ha ha, sucks to be you, Byrite!