RUNAWAY SPIDE
By Mark
Not much going on in this one. Moomin and Martin are esconced in their faaancy Southend (Sodom of the etc) hotel – Martin says creepy things like "you shouldn’t have had a shower, I’m going to make you dirty again" (shudder). They can’t make up their minds whether they are glad to be free of Poldot interference or are happy that they are on their own. In the end they decide that they are happy happy happy. Also the chamber maid delivers their room service to them. What kind of crazy hotel is that?

Poline and Dot are not happy. They blame each other for driving the kids away and go into "Cagney and Lacey" mode to track them down. They interrogate Gus, Vickney (who is wearing ugly yellow plastic jewellery) and then track down Backstreet (who tries to avoid them by kneeling down behind the bar – who said he was thick? Eh? Oh…). They grill him mercilessly and start going on about how they will make Martin/Moomin suffer for messing them around. Backstreet won’t tell them but Jim reckons he knows and uses wiles etc to trick Backstreet (not very difficult, admittedly) into revealing that he they are in Southend.

Slutty’s loins are still untroubled by Fool’s attention. Now he won’t even hug her. Slutty is sad.

Kellay is getting sick of Teen skiving off to shag Denman all the time.

Mo is still putting moves on Adull. If he is Omar Sharif does that make her Julie Christie or Peter o Toole? The Ferrieras are all pleased that they can rebuy their old house but then see that Ian has put in an offer for it. Then their market stall stock is repossessed because they are behind on their payments. Ha ha ha!

There is a poster up for the Funfair/Carnival of Doom. Some bloke (market inspector?) moans that he can’t get people to do some odd jobs or something so Mo looks "thoughtful" (as usual, due to her subtle acting style these emotions could be spotted from space) and goes to recruit Mickney to help.

Pat turns into Mrs Alving (from literature) and says that all she can see are ghosts - and not in a fun Scooby Doo way either. O-Den somehow arranges for Wicksy to call her and offer for her to come to New Zealand and visit him and Devil Child Stephen (does that mean that the satanic spawn is soon returning, presumably with an Adam Ricketts style different head?). They pay for the tickets and everything. Neat!

Jim is about to tell PolDot about the elopement but they are still moaning and being annoying so he decides to leave them to it and go by himself