SLEEPING WITH THE FAMILY
Shazza's all loved-up with Denman and offers to walk him to the station on his way to the gym. They have their arms around each other until they reach the unusually busy market and Bad Brutha. Shazza breaks away, full of guilt and shame. Delusionoid Denman wants to know why she finds their sick, wrong love so sick and wrong. Shazza tells him that she confessed all to Kyert, and Kyert had to use a quart of brain bleach to wash her disapproval away. Denman still doesn't see the problem, and tells her that she must meet him at the Vic for a drink like a proper couple, or it's over. It's one of those nights when just about everybody is gathered in the pub on some shoddy pretext or other - Vickney is even drinking with Poline. A spiral-permed blonde makes a play for Denman, and is politely rebuffed. Denman exchanges hacky looks with Slutty for a few hours, then Shazza walks in. They do lots of standing very close and breathing heavily, and then start licking each others' faces. Now, if this was a Western, somebody would have stopped playing the piano and the bar staff would have started hiding the valuable liquor. But it's the Queen Vic, and they're too busy gawping even to put "Duelling Banjos" on the jukebox.

Vickney persuades Adull to stop being the family gimp and act on his own ideas. Ash joneses something rotten at the sight of Araminta (yay!) winning on the Queen Vic slot machines, and is temporarily saved by his Gamblers Anon group leader, who reminds him that he's only on Step 4, and he should be at meetings if he doesn't want to backslide. On his way to the meeting, Ash (who doesn't need to witness Shazz and Denman's face-licking because he knows already...do keep up at the back) meets Byrite, who mentions his credit line/loansharking operation. The devil comes and takes Ash from pub to bookies.

Araminta returns! But only to look on jealously as Sham and Byrite mack on each other in the back seat of Byrite's tacky coupé. And win enough money to make Ash go all wobbly.

Fool suggests a collection for Charlie, and they miraculously collect a thousand pounds in used pennies within minutes. Slutty frets: it's not enough, and she will have to go and do the Indecent Proposal thing with Byrite (come on girl, it's not like you haven't seen it before).

Bad Brutha pursues Nat through the unusually crowded market, bumping into a particularly weird extra who is holding a bunch of daffs like it's the Statue of Liberty torch. Nat doesn't want to know, and says he should go to the police if he's that guilt-ridden. BB tries to remind her that Juhneen is the embodiment of pure evil and will probably try to hang Bazza's murder on him. Nat doesn't care, and throws him out. BB shuffles off to the police station.

After a hard day's tormenting, Juhneen returns home to prepare her dinner. She finds her bracelet from Paul and tries to clean it up. We learn that she keeps Bazza's remains in the cupboard under the stairs. Cool. The doorbell rings, and ...it's the coppers! Wanting to talk about a moider!

One of them used to work for me as a data entry temp many years ago - he shall henceforth be called by his TPD nickname of Chaddy Waddy. Or DI Chaddy Waddy to you.