DAWN OF THE DEAD (BORING)
Bad Brutha's all happy happy joy joy about Nat and the Bazlet moving in with him. Then Juhneen glowers into view and reminds him of his evil past, and how he'd better discourage Nat and her money grabbing demands or there will be big trouble. BB denies everything and looks shifty.

Nat's really popular today. Gran Detective Pat tells her about the Incriminating Armlet, but Paul says there's a simple explanation. Yeah, you were shagging Juhneen behind Bazza's back and hastening a fatal heart attack by any means necessary. Simple. When she asks Juhneen about it, Juhneen says: "Paul? Ummm...yes...oh that'll be my stalker. Funnily enough, he's called Paul, just like your Paul...oooh is that the time?" Later, Nat sees Juhneen leaving the B&B after another tedious nagging session. N:Sad. J: in a strop.

Scalliq has got his feet well under the table chez Ferreira, so Adull turns his beady searchlight of whinge onto wee Vickney. Actually, I'm with Adull on this one. He reminds Kareena that Vickney's a troublemaker and her brother's a psycho, and Dadvis wouldn't like an unattached young female living in a house full of single men and Scalliq. DJ Ross still wears the big plaster on his neck, but Scalliq keeps forgetting to clutch his side and go "ouch" occasionally. Adull refuses to eat with the others because Dadvis always preferred them to sit up at the table...my attention wandered to the IKEA catalogue at this point. I'm thinking of a Magiker storage combination for the living room.

The Scoobies are plagued by Wattses today. What with Vickney in residence, and Shazza flicking her awful "choppy" blunt cut fringe all over their hallway, trying to get Vickney to return home. Vickney tells Ash about the freakish crypto-incest. Ash goes: "ewwww!" and agrees to be her friend again. For some reason they're in the caff later, when Denman walks in and starts being vile to Vickney. Ash steps in and says: "I know everything nudgenudgewinkwinkquizzicaleyebrow!". Denman retreats muttering. Vickney says: "My hero! Let's go betting!". Ash says OK, but don't tell the other Scoobies.

Idiots in Jail pt II. Charlie appears to have had an argument with the other members of the rounders team. He still wants to fight on, so Slutty takes it upon herself to visit Eeevil Rapist Graham's lawyer. Lawyer's office has the pink walls and the cheap, shiny reproduction bookcases that signify Slimy Shyster. Indeed, Eevil Rapist Graham emerges from the shadows and demands a king's ransom (OK, £10K) for all the trouble the Slaters have caused him. Sullen should offer to sleep with him and pass on AGarry's anti-social disease from a few months back.

Shazza is worried that Ash will scream and point at them like a Body Snatcher when he next sees them. Denman, who is either mad or supremely stupid, suggests they go public and nakedly canoodle in McArfur Park to declare their sick, wrong passion to the world and give people the chance to throw petrol over them. Shazz reminds Denman that she was nearly burned at the stake by the Mitchells when she was shagging Fill behind Grant's back. Denman agrees to wait until she's ready. Can't he wait with his shirt off, just to make it more interesting?