PAT BUTCHER INVESTIGATES: THE CASE OF THE INCRIMINATING ARMLET
Sorry this is so late kids, but I have been out all weekend and staying with someone who doesn't have a computer, anyway....

Go! Go! Gran Detective! Juhneen almost catches Pat looking at the mystery bangle, Pat manages to hide it in a drawer while talking about something else. Pat then totally unsubtly grills Juhneen as to whether she is having/or has ever had a relation with bad Brother. Juhneen says no while Pat rephrases the question about 50 times and then tells her to leave. Pat goes round to the BandB (where her face is the exact same colour as the burnished mustard coloured leather sofa) and tells Nat not to move in as Paul cannot be trusted. They drag it out for ages but then Pat finally says she has evidence that Paul is cheating on Nat with Juhneen. Nat looks pensive. Oh ok, and also sad.

DJ Ross is happy that Scalliq and Kareena are moving back to the house. (What are the chances that when the bandage comes off his throat he has zero ventilator scars, btw). Adull says that they can't tell anyone that Scalliq is their brother as "Dadvis wouldn't like it" and also because Adull being as c*** is for life, not just for christmas!

Tink and Fool bond and then Tink produces an engagement ring and proposes to Ethel 2.0.

Ian sees that the nail bar is shut and asks Kyert what is the deal? She says she doesn't feel like working and has no bookings anyway - she is sad that the nail bar hasn't taken off and become (and I quote) "an integral part of the community". Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. She also moans that everyone only pretended to like her because they were scared of Fill. Ian says that that is bollocks and offers to take her by the hand and walk her through the streets of London, as he can show her something that will make her change her mind. Kyert says no. She is sitting on Losers Bench when some random old lady comes over and starts whittering on about how much she loves her manicures blah blah. Kyert suddenyl realises that is important and appreciated after all. Bless! or alternatively Vom! You be the judge!

No, no! no, no, no, no! no, no, no, no! no no, there's no limits! Crypto, crypto, crypto, crypto! Yes, Shaz and Denman are back! Ash jumps off Vickney like a scalded cat. Denman grabs him and suddenly turns into JACK BAUER off 24, with lots of velvety whispered threats and sexy violence etc. He tells Ash that he will Keeeell him if he touches Vickney again. Ash leaves sharpish. Denman and Shaz ask Vickney what she is playing at and she says she is shagging inappropriate people to keep up the family tradition and storms off. Shaz says "She knows!" and immediately pours herself a quadruple vodka. Mmmm, vodka. They have a long boring talk with Vickney where V acts like she is the centre of the universe and that they are doing it just to spite her. Also she over-uses her acting trump card of looking tearful and covering her face with her hands a bit too often. In the end she says that Shaz has to choose between her and Denman-loving and unsurprisingly Shaz chooses Den. Vickney cries some more, packs her bag and leaves. She asks if she can stay with Ash as she has nowhere else to go - hmm, I must have blinked in the scenes where she asked to stay with Poline, Ian or Backstreet. Ash says no, as she is a no good, bad news dame etc but then Kareena says Vickney can stay with them after all. Ruh roh.