BRIDEZILLA II: GRANDMOTHER OF BRIDEZILLA
The Slaters have a big palaver about getting together a Welcome Home From the Big House party for Charlie. Mo makes a shit looking, wonky cake. Slutty is entrusted with making a roast dinner (though mercifully we are spared the non-comedy cooking scenes). There is some bollocks about them buying the wrong party decorations off Mickney. In the end Charlie doesn't come home as he had a "Tango and cash" style action hero prison freakout, smacked a "screw" and trashed his cell. I bet that is a euphemism for "dirty protest". Either way, I'm glad it took place off camera. Oh yes.

Speaking of lame homecomings: DJ Ross is back from the orspital. Ash tries to make Adull feel guilty that Kareena and Scalliq won't be there but Adull won't change his mind and stop being a prick. They also make a lame cake/have wrong Mickney decorations. When DJ Ross comes home he is sad that K&S aren't there and snubs Adull's lame party. Ash snubs him too and leaves Adull feeling miserable and alone. Good.

Vickney apologises to Backstreet for the Teen Age Riot etc etc last night. She is about to explain that she is acting up due to Crypto Horror but Backstreet is busy and has to dash off to see if he has started growing hair under his armpits yet. Vickney spots Ash lurking outside the bookies (no gamblin' tourettes this episode, sadly) and invites him home to teach her how to play poker. In the flat, Vickney demonstrates her fake "I've got a good card" signals, which include sucking her finger, rubbing her bristols, etc etc. Ash doesn't seem to get it so she suggests a game of strip poker and commences to lose. Ash is helping her out of her top and starts macking on her neck but then suddenly remembers that she is, like, 12 and runs away. Vickney laughs because she is crayzeee and out of control.

Slutty cracks out all her Bridezilla magazines and lets Ethel 2.0 read them. Fool moans that the wedding (in Easter) is too soon so Ethel says she'll put it back a couple of months.

Juhneen gets a letter from Nat's solicitor and makes villainous faces. She moans to Bad Bro that Nat wants half of everything and says that he has to stop her or else he will be in big trouble. BB explains that he can't tell Nat to do anything as she already dumped him. Later on Juhneen sees Jack in the caff, acts all sweet and aunty-like and offers to cut up his cake for him. Pat sees her wielding a knife and hilariously over-reacts and whisks Jack away. Dude, it is one of those shit knives like you got to eat school dinners. The only way you could hurt someone with one of those is if you dropped it on their head from the top of the Empire State Building. Bad Brother writes a mystery letter and then apologises to Nat, says that is behind her 100% and that she can move in with him. Nat accepts and then goes to gloat to Juhneen. More villainous faces. Juhneen summons BB again and says the same thing but BB says that if she messes with him then he will grass her up for moider and also that he has put a sealed letter in a vault that will reveal her crimes if BB dies suspiciously. Melodramatic much. Juhneen says "I'm not that bad" so BB starts going on about how she is evil, rotten inside, never been loved etc etc. Juhneen whimpers "You wuvved me" so BB sticks the boot in a few more times and says that if that their bizarro relationship was her only experience of love then she is even more fucked up than he thought. BB stomps off and Juhneen throws something at something else.